What To Do When Someone You Love Shames You For Your Parenting Style

It can be easier to brush off the shaming from strangers, like every single little old lady who scolded me for not putting socks on my baby. In June. In Arizona. (Okay, maybe I’m still a little annoyed about that.) But what can be harder to shake off is when your mom-style gets judged or shamed by someone you love and trust. I talked to 15 moms who felt the sting of loved ones snarking on their parenting choices and how they tried to bounce back. Check out some serious cases of judgy mother-in-laws, sisters, and friends — and how women handled them. “I’m really trying to not fall into the working-mom guilt trap, but it is hard when someone you love is so open about judging you. I try to remind myself that I’m role modeling for my daughter that women can have great careers too.” — Martha D., Seattle, Washington “Thankfully my husband and I are on the same page, and I just remind myself that I am the mom, not her, so she can judge all she wants but she can’t change who I am as a mom.” — Heather H., Virginia, Minnesota “I was like, ‘Uh, that’s now how it works.’” — Melanie H., Rochester, New York More from CafeMom: 16 Moms the Internet Mom-Shamed for Their Parenting “And that really bothered me. She’s pretty much the best mom and grandma ever except for this one very important piece of my journey in motherhood.  “In response, I will brush away her covers and explain that neither my baby nor I like that. Or say something like ‘I’m not concerned with who is watching, I’m concerned about my baby being hungry.’” — Ashley R., Lawrence, Kansas “I don’t subscribe to any particular method; I do what feels right for me and listen to my instincts. That’s my advice to any mama. Moms know their own children, and what works and feels right for them. It’s gonna look different for everyone, but you do you.” — Allison E., Green Bay, Wisconsin “I didn’t think this was a big deal but the grandparents are SO mad about it. They want to post his face all over Facebook and think we are being ridiculous about it. I get it — he’s cute and grandparents love to brag — but this is the right choice for us. I’m 100 percent sure one of them will break the rules at some point and it will be some drama.” — Name withheld by request More from CafeMom: 9 Types of Moms We All Want to Avoid “After the birth, they said I was too quick to hold the baby. Then they said I wasn’t discreet enough about nursing. Then I was too soft for not doing cry-it-out. I finally learned I just had to tune out the noise and do what made sense for us.” — Andrea S., Tucson, Arizona “The haters can deal. My kid is flourishing.” — Maxine D., Edina, Minnesota  More from CafeMom: What Country Should You Live In Based on Your Parenting Style? Try This Cool Tool “Cut to years later and she still would rather sleep with me. She has her own room and bed and uses it just fine when she wants to, but mostly we snuggle up and talk about crazy cool stuff or life sucks stuff or let me read you this cool part in my book. She’s 12 now and I figure at some point she’ll want her space. “We have the most calm and drama-free mornings I’ve ever seen, and she is strong and independent and pretty damn secure in herself.  “We’re doing us, and my family with their raised eyebrow of judgment and snarky comments can shut it.” — Jennifer O., San Diego, California More from CafeMom: 12 Parenting Choices We’d Get Shamed For — but Our Moms Never Did “The amount of ‘breast is best,’ ‘you need to just try harder,’ and the other criticism I got for this was amazing —  even from women who you would think would have been the most supportive. “Also, the number of comments like ‘Oh, that’s good for you but I really wanted my child to get the intelligence/health benefits/etc. that can only come from direct breastfeeding,’ like I would actually make the conscious choice to not want these things for my kid.” — Beth F., Toronto, Ontario “We feel secure in our lack of faith, but it still stings to hear my sweet Nana ask why I want to risk my kids going to hell. Sheesh, Nana, lighten up.” — Georgia D., Salt Lake City, Utah “He’s just a kid!” — Jenna L., Saint Paul, Minnesota  More from CafeMom: 12 Celebrities Who Were Body-Shamed Post-Pregnancy

title: “What To Do When Someone You Love Shames You For Your Parenting Style” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-30” author: “Debbie Medina”

It can be easier to brush off the shaming from strangers, like every single little old lady who scolded me for not putting socks on my baby. In June. In Arizona. (Okay, maybe I’m still a little annoyed about that.) But what can be harder to shake off is when your mom-style gets judged or shamed by someone you love and trust. I talked to 15 moms who felt the sting of loved ones snarking on their parenting choices and how they tried to bounce back. Check out some serious cases of judgy mother-in-laws, sisters, and friends — and how women handled them. “I’m really trying to not fall into the working-mom guilt trap, but it is hard when someone you love is so open about judging you. I try to remind myself that I’m role modeling for my daughter that women can have great careers too.” — Martha D., Seattle, Washington “Thankfully my husband and I are on the same page, and I just remind myself that I am the mom, not her, so she can judge all she wants but she can’t change who I am as a mom.” — Heather H., Virginia, Minnesota “I was like, ‘Uh, that’s now how it works.’” — Melanie H., Rochester, New York More from CafeMom: 16 Moms the Internet Mom-Shamed for Their Parenting “And that really bothered me. She’s pretty much the best mom and grandma ever except for this one very important piece of my journey in motherhood.  “In response, I will brush away her covers and explain that neither my baby nor I like that. Or say something like ‘I’m not concerned with who is watching, I’m concerned about my baby being hungry.’” — Ashley R., Lawrence, Kansas “I don’t subscribe to any particular method; I do what feels right for me and listen to my instincts. That’s my advice to any mama. Moms know their own children, and what works and feels right for them. It’s gonna look different for everyone, but you do you.” — Allison E., Green Bay, Wisconsin “I didn’t think this was a big deal but the grandparents are SO mad about it. They want to post his face all over Facebook and think we are being ridiculous about it. I get it — he’s cute and grandparents love to brag — but this is the right choice for us. I’m 100 percent sure one of them will break the rules at some point and it will be some drama.” — Name withheld by request More from CafeMom: 9 Types of Moms We All Want to Avoid “After the birth, they said I was too quick to hold the baby. Then they said I wasn’t discreet enough about nursing. Then I was too soft for not doing cry-it-out. I finally learned I just had to tune out the noise and do what made sense for us.” — Andrea S., Tucson, Arizona “The haters can deal. My kid is flourishing.” — Maxine D., Edina, Minnesota  More from CafeMom: What Country Should You Live In Based on Your Parenting Style? Try This Cool Tool “Cut to years later and she still would rather sleep with me. She has her own room and bed and uses it just fine when she wants to, but mostly we snuggle up and talk about crazy cool stuff or life sucks stuff or let me read you this cool part in my book. She’s 12 now and I figure at some point she’ll want her space. “We have the most calm and drama-free mornings I’ve ever seen, and she is strong and independent and pretty damn secure in herself.  “We’re doing us, and my family with their raised eyebrow of judgment and snarky comments can shut it.” — Jennifer O., San Diego, California More from CafeMom: 12 Parenting Choices We’d Get Shamed For — but Our Moms Never Did “The amount of ‘breast is best,’ ‘you need to just try harder,’ and the other criticism I got for this was amazing —  even from women who you would think would have been the most supportive. “Also, the number of comments like ‘Oh, that’s good for you but I really wanted my child to get the intelligence/health benefits/etc. that can only come from direct breastfeeding,’ like I would actually make the conscious choice to not want these things for my kid.” — Beth F., Toronto, Ontario “We feel secure in our lack of faith, but it still stings to hear my sweet Nana ask why I want to risk my kids going to hell. Sheesh, Nana, lighten up.” — Georgia D., Salt Lake City, Utah “He’s just a kid!” — Jenna L., Saint Paul, Minnesota  More from CafeMom: 12 Celebrities Who Were Body-Shamed Post-Pregnancy

title: “What To Do When Someone You Love Shames You For Your Parenting Style” ShowToc: true date: “2024-10-12” author: “Robert Robinson”

It can be easier to brush off the shaming from strangers, like every single little old lady who scolded me for not putting socks on my baby. In June. In Arizona. (Okay, maybe I’m still a little annoyed about that.) But what can be harder to shake off is when your mom-style gets judged or shamed by someone you love and trust. I talked to 15 moms who felt the sting of loved ones snarking on their parenting choices and how they tried to bounce back. Check out some serious cases of judgy mother-in-laws, sisters, and friends — and how women handled them. “I’m really trying to not fall into the working-mom guilt trap, but it is hard when someone you love is so open about judging you. I try to remind myself that I’m role modeling for my daughter that women can have great careers too.” — Martha D., Seattle, Washington “Thankfully my husband and I are on the same page, and I just remind myself that I am the mom, not her, so she can judge all she wants but she can’t change who I am as a mom.” — Heather H., Virginia, Minnesota “I was like, ‘Uh, that’s now how it works.’” — Melanie H., Rochester, New York More from CafeMom: 16 Moms the Internet Mom-Shamed for Their Parenting “And that really bothered me. She’s pretty much the best mom and grandma ever except for this one very important piece of my journey in motherhood.  “In response, I will brush away her covers and explain that neither my baby nor I like that. Or say something like ‘I’m not concerned with who is watching, I’m concerned about my baby being hungry.’” — Ashley R., Lawrence, Kansas “I don’t subscribe to any particular method; I do what feels right for me and listen to my instincts. That’s my advice to any mama. Moms know their own children, and what works and feels right for them. It’s gonna look different for everyone, but you do you.” — Allison E., Green Bay, Wisconsin “I didn’t think this was a big deal but the grandparents are SO mad about it. They want to post his face all over Facebook and think we are being ridiculous about it. I get it — he’s cute and grandparents love to brag — but this is the right choice for us. I’m 100 percent sure one of them will break the rules at some point and it will be some drama.” — Name withheld by request More from CafeMom: 9 Types of Moms We All Want to Avoid “After the birth, they said I was too quick to hold the baby. Then they said I wasn’t discreet enough about nursing. Then I was too soft for not doing cry-it-out. I finally learned I just had to tune out the noise and do what made sense for us.” — Andrea S., Tucson, Arizona “The haters can deal. My kid is flourishing.” — Maxine D., Edina, Minnesota  More from CafeMom: What Country Should You Live In Based on Your Parenting Style? Try This Cool Tool “Cut to years later and she still would rather sleep with me. She has her own room and bed and uses it just fine when she wants to, but mostly we snuggle up and talk about crazy cool stuff or life sucks stuff or let me read you this cool part in my book. She’s 12 now and I figure at some point she’ll want her space. “We have the most calm and drama-free mornings I’ve ever seen, and she is strong and independent and pretty damn secure in herself.  “We’re doing us, and my family with their raised eyebrow of judgment and snarky comments can shut it.” — Jennifer O., San Diego, California More from CafeMom: 12 Parenting Choices We’d Get Shamed For — but Our Moms Never Did “The amount of ‘breast is best,’ ‘you need to just try harder,’ and the other criticism I got for this was amazing —  even from women who you would think would have been the most supportive. “Also, the number of comments like ‘Oh, that’s good for you but I really wanted my child to get the intelligence/health benefits/etc. that can only come from direct breastfeeding,’ like I would actually make the conscious choice to not want these things for my kid.” — Beth F., Toronto, Ontario “We feel secure in our lack of faith, but it still stings to hear my sweet Nana ask why I want to risk my kids going to hell. Sheesh, Nana, lighten up.” — Georgia D., Salt Lake City, Utah “He’s just a kid!” — Jenna L., Saint Paul, Minnesota  More from CafeMom: 12 Celebrities Who Were Body-Shamed Post-Pregnancy