“Online dating makes it easier to get dates in some aspects due to the nature of having hundreds of possibilities at your fingertips,” Kimberly Hershenson, a NYC-based therapist specializing in relationships, told CafeMom. “However, it can take a toll on an individual’s self-esteem. Your mood may become affected by how many people contact you. You may find yourself accepting dates from people you otherwise wouldn’t be interested in or are tolerating behaviors that would normally be unacceptable to you simply because anyone is showing interest in you.” But what is really discouraging are the tons of dating “trends” that have emerged, and it seems like an overwhelming amount of them are negative. “Online dating makes it easier to be non-committal. People get lonely so they crave connection,” Hershenson said. It’s important to be aware of alarming behaviors while on the dating scene, especially as a mom who already has enough on her plate. Here are 15 dating trends all single moms should know about while looking for their next relationship. Love and dating coach Josie May told CafeMom: “Warning signs that you are heading towards being love bombed are someone quickly trying to be committed when they hardly know you, your date being overly intense really soon or talking about your future together after only a date or two. “To protect yourself from love bombing, ensure that you take things slow … don’t get carried away with someone whisking you off your feet. Real love and trust build over time, so don’t be tempted to get caught up in the rush of someone’s words.” More from CafeMom: 10 Ways to Know Very Quickly If Your Man is a Psychopath Therapist Kimberly Hershenson informed CafeMom: “This is a sexual violation leading the victim more prone to pregnancy and STIs. Understand that agreeing to have sex with someone with a condom is NOT the same as agreeing to have sex without a condom. Do not let anyone tell you differently. It is important to see a doctor immediately if you believe you are a victim of stealthing. Consider seeing a therapist to deal with the emotional aspects and stay connected to friends for support. Going forward, there is nothing wrong with checking to make sure a partner has his condom on prior to penetration. If he objects, this is a major red flag.” According to May: “Cushioning, of course, is counter-productive as is a form of infidelity and actually increases the chances of your relationship breaking down. Cushioning is cruel to both parties, the partner and the person being strung along on the sidelines. “Trust your instincts, and if you feel that something isn’t right in a relationship, you’re usually spot-on! If the person you are seeing was with someone else when you met, then this is a sign that they are a serial cheater … do yourself a favor and don’t get into flirting with someone already taken.” Online dating consultant Stacy Karyn explained to CafeMom: “Haunting can be extremely disorienting, especially if it’s being done by a person you are trying to forget. However, the best way to deal with this is to actually ignore the haunts. If you end up giving this person digital attention in return, it will most likely just fuel the fire.” More from CafeMom: 15 Things Single Moms Wish They Could Put in Their Dating Profiles Laura L. Ryan, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told CafeMom: “To determine if you are being ghosted, write one or two texts and leave a voice mail a couple of days later if you get no response to your texts. People are busy and life is complicated, so give him the benefit of the doubt, but if you don’t hear back after a few days, you have probably been ghosted.” Licensed therapist Dana Czachorowski advised CafeMom: “If you’re not sure what your new man’s long-term intentions are, feel free to ask. If you’re not feeling that confined, suggest something you can do together when the weather warms up and gauge his reaction.” “Someone who’s really interested in a relationship is happy to date, spring, summer, fall or winter,” said May. More from CafeMom: 12 Brutally Honest Rules for Dating a Single Mom According to May, some signs to look out for include: -They don’t contact you for over a week, then out of the blue, they message to say they miss you. -You can’t pin them down for a date. -You go on a date but then don’t hear from them for a couple of weeks. “The best way to deal with a bencher is to cut off all communication … let them know that you’re moving on and then block them from your phone and email (because they’re likely to try and be in touch again),” she said. According to Kimberly Hershenson: “If you are looking for a committed healthy relationship, breadcrumbers are a waste of time, as this is a form of emotional manipulation. Move on to someone worth your time who follows through with dates, texts, or calls frequently to check in and gives you the attention you deserve.” “If someone starts to slow fade out of your life, I recommend that you also hold back. This will either wake them up to what they’re doing and mean they’ll make more effort … or it will mean they’ll disappear quickly which indicates that they really weren’t the right person for you anyway. It may be hard to take, but see it as a blessing in disguise as it didn’t drag on for months and months,” Josie May said. More from CafeMom: 5 Ways to Deal When Your Man Does the ‘Slow Fade’ “To avoid this, hold out on getting intimate with someone too quickly. Someone who is prone to catch and release will struggle holding out for an extended period and is likely to get bored in the process … this helps to eliminate those people who are just in it for themselves,” said May. According to Ryan: “If you suspect that you are being stashed, post pictures of the two of you on social media and tag him. If the person allows the picture on their timeline, say something in the comments that relates to you having a romantic partnership together and see if the comment gets posted. Also, pick a date idea for meeting up with his friends and see how he responds. If there are lots of excuses and denials, you should probably end the relationship because this person doesn’t want a long-term relationship with you.” Accoridng to Czachorowski: “Zombies are more overt than haunters but lack the self-awareness to understand that their presence may not be welcome. Whether or not you chose to engage with the zombie is totally up to you without any judgment from me as I wholeheartedly support you. If you have hurt feelings or your body fills with rage at the sight of their name on your phone, it’s probably best to cease communication.” More from CafeMom: 15 Real First Dates That Prove Even Forever-Love Has to Start Somewhere -They tell blatant lies.-They deny they said something even if you have proof.-They use positive reinforcement to confuse you.-They tell you or others that you are crazy. Read about the rest of the signs here. “If he calls you crazy, if you begin to doubt yourself, become insecure, apologize for no reason, or wonder if your emotions are out of control, remove yourself from this relationship immediately. If you don’t have a partner who builds you up, tells you you’re beautiful, and believes you can do anything, you need a new partner,” Czachorowski warned.
title: “Single Moms Watch Out For These 15 Malicious Dating Trends” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-25” author: “Anne Mcdonald”
“Online dating makes it easier to get dates in some aspects due to the nature of having hundreds of possibilities at your fingertips,” Kimberly Hershenson, a NYC-based therapist specializing in relationships, told CafeMom. “However, it can take a toll on an individual’s self-esteem. Your mood may become affected by how many people contact you. You may find yourself accepting dates from people you otherwise wouldn’t be interested in or are tolerating behaviors that would normally be unacceptable to you simply because anyone is showing interest in you.” But what is really discouraging are the tons of dating “trends” that have emerged, and it seems like an overwhelming amount of them are negative. “Online dating makes it easier to be non-committal. People get lonely so they crave connection,” Hershenson said. It’s important to be aware of alarming behaviors while on the dating scene, especially as a mom who already has enough on her plate. Here are 15 dating trends all single moms should know about while looking for their next relationship. Love and dating coach Josie May told CafeMom: “Warning signs that you are heading towards being love bombed are someone quickly trying to be committed when they hardly know you, your date being overly intense really soon or talking about your future together after only a date or two. “To protect yourself from love bombing, ensure that you take things slow … don’t get carried away with someone whisking you off your feet. Real love and trust build over time, so don’t be tempted to get caught up in the rush of someone’s words.” More from CafeMom: 10 Ways to Know Very Quickly If Your Man is a Psychopath Therapist Kimberly Hershenson informed CafeMom: “This is a sexual violation leading the victim more prone to pregnancy and STIs. Understand that agreeing to have sex with someone with a condom is NOT the same as agreeing to have sex without a condom. Do not let anyone tell you differently. It is important to see a doctor immediately if you believe you are a victim of stealthing. Consider seeing a therapist to deal with the emotional aspects and stay connected to friends for support. Going forward, there is nothing wrong with checking to make sure a partner has his condom on prior to penetration. If he objects, this is a major red flag.” According to May: “Cushioning, of course, is counter-productive as is a form of infidelity and actually increases the chances of your relationship breaking down. Cushioning is cruel to both parties, the partner and the person being strung along on the sidelines. “Trust your instincts, and if you feel that something isn’t right in a relationship, you’re usually spot-on! If the person you are seeing was with someone else when you met, then this is a sign that they are a serial cheater … do yourself a favor and don’t get into flirting with someone already taken.” Online dating consultant Stacy Karyn explained to CafeMom: “Haunting can be extremely disorienting, especially if it’s being done by a person you are trying to forget. However, the best way to deal with this is to actually ignore the haunts. If you end up giving this person digital attention in return, it will most likely just fuel the fire.” More from CafeMom: 15 Things Single Moms Wish They Could Put in Their Dating Profiles Laura L. Ryan, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told CafeMom: “To determine if you are being ghosted, write one or two texts and leave a voice mail a couple of days later if you get no response to your texts. People are busy and life is complicated, so give him the benefit of the doubt, but if you don’t hear back after a few days, you have probably been ghosted.” Licensed therapist Dana Czachorowski advised CafeMom: “If you’re not sure what your new man’s long-term intentions are, feel free to ask. If you’re not feeling that confined, suggest something you can do together when the weather warms up and gauge his reaction.” “Someone who’s really interested in a relationship is happy to date, spring, summer, fall or winter,” said May. More from CafeMom: 12 Brutally Honest Rules for Dating a Single Mom According to May, some signs to look out for include: -They don’t contact you for over a week, then out of the blue, they message to say they miss you. -You can’t pin them down for a date. -You go on a date but then don’t hear from them for a couple of weeks. “The best way to deal with a bencher is to cut off all communication … let them know that you’re moving on and then block them from your phone and email (because they’re likely to try and be in touch again),” she said. According to Kimberly Hershenson: “If you are looking for a committed healthy relationship, breadcrumbers are a waste of time, as this is a form of emotional manipulation. Move on to someone worth your time who follows through with dates, texts, or calls frequently to check in and gives you the attention you deserve.” “If someone starts to slow fade out of your life, I recommend that you also hold back. This will either wake them up to what they’re doing and mean they’ll make more effort … or it will mean they’ll disappear quickly which indicates that they really weren’t the right person for you anyway. It may be hard to take, but see it as a blessing in disguise as it didn’t drag on for months and months,” Josie May said. More from CafeMom: 5 Ways to Deal When Your Man Does the ‘Slow Fade’ “To avoid this, hold out on getting intimate with someone too quickly. Someone who is prone to catch and release will struggle holding out for an extended period and is likely to get bored in the process … this helps to eliminate those people who are just in it for themselves,” said May. According to Ryan: “If you suspect that you are being stashed, post pictures of the two of you on social media and tag him. If the person allows the picture on their timeline, say something in the comments that relates to you having a romantic partnership together and see if the comment gets posted. Also, pick a date idea for meeting up with his friends and see how he responds. If there are lots of excuses and denials, you should probably end the relationship because this person doesn’t want a long-term relationship with you.” Accoridng to Czachorowski: “Zombies are more overt than haunters but lack the self-awareness to understand that their presence may not be welcome. Whether or not you chose to engage with the zombie is totally up to you without any judgment from me as I wholeheartedly support you. If you have hurt feelings or your body fills with rage at the sight of their name on your phone, it’s probably best to cease communication.” More from CafeMom: 15 Real First Dates That Prove Even Forever-Love Has to Start Somewhere -They tell blatant lies.-They deny they said something even if you have proof.-They use positive reinforcement to confuse you.-They tell you or others that you are crazy. Read about the rest of the signs here. “If he calls you crazy, if you begin to doubt yourself, become insecure, apologize for no reason, or wonder if your emotions are out of control, remove yourself from this relationship immediately. If you don’t have a partner who builds you up, tells you you’re beautiful, and believes you can do anything, you need a new partner,” Czachorowski warned.
