Okay. Okay okay okay. First I’m going to breathe. Next I’ll ask you to read this baffling post titled, “Maybe You Are Ready for Kids, You’re Just Not Paying Attention.” Then we’re all going to 1) apologize on behalf of moms everywhere, because GAH, we don’t all think like this! and 2) chat about how Ms. Kovac has LOST HER DAMN MIND.
In fact, let’s just take this point by sarcastic, disbelieving point:
So basically if you’re in your mid-30s, you have a job and a vagina but you don’t have kids, your name is now Doris. Because you’re ALL THE SAME. Also, despite the fact that you are in fact a woman with a career, apparently you just “think of yourself” that way. You don’t get an identity until you have children, Doris.
Who knows Doris better than she knows herself? Her good pal Janine, of course.
Doris, why are you so reluctant to have children when you’re basically a child yourself? Having complex, conflicting emotions and varying personal priorities is so incredibly immature.
Look at me, glowing with pride, years after cowing to my partner’s demands to procreate, now that cognitive dissonance no longer allows me to recognize the feelings of not being ready for parenthood. Admit your jealousy, Doris! ADMIT YOUR LACK OF FAITH.
Oh Janine, Janine, Janine. Have you considered that Doris may be checking her iPhone to see if anyone’s released an app called “57 Ways to Silently Throat-Punch Someone in a Starbucks”?
gavel bang Finally, we’ve solved the ever-complicated issue of Is Having a Dog Exactly the Same as Having Human Children? It’s maybe too bad that the goat-poop-eating child will have voting rights, but that’s how democracy works, Doris. You’d know this is you were a mother.
That’s right, Doris. What could you possibly know about the world until you have children? What value could you bring, with your “advanced degrees” and your “kindness” and your “compassion”? You were put here on the earth for one purpose, Doris, and that’s to reproduce. Never forget this. In fact, go get a mirror and look at your vagina. What do you see? A MYSTICAL PORTAL FROM WHICH WISDOM FLOWS, DORIS.
Basically, even though you’re sort of a useless shit of a person, Doris, you’re going to be an even more useless mom. But at least you’ll be fulfilling your destiny. I mean, you won’t be on the Janine level of things — does your child eat his own feces? Yeah, I didn’t think so — but it’s time to stop fretting about that “career” of yours and focus on the things that matter.
Or it’s like saying “I’m not ready to make an enormous, permanent life change.” Or “My values aren’t driven by the values of others.” Or “I have life plans and goals that don’t include children.” Whatever, Doris. I don’t expect you to understand my morally superior beliefs.
Independence, freedom, your career, travel, sense of self-worth through non-childcare-related activities, time with your partner, the ability to take a leak without someone pounding on the door … you don’t need those things anymore, Doris. Because I said so. In case it’s not clear: Any reason you have for not pursuing motherhood makes you a less worthy person.
I CAN’T EVEN MAKE A JOKING RESPONSE TO THIS PART BECAUSE THE IMPLICATION THAT CHILDLESS WOMEN ARE SELFISH AND WOULD REALIZE THEIR DESIRE FOR CHILDREN IF ONLY THEY PULLED THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR OWN INATTENTIVE-TO-OTHERS BUTTHOLES FILLS ME WITH INARTICULATE CAPS LOCK RAGE
Yeah. Who here’s DYING to know what Janine’s kids are named?
Oh Doris, it’s a good thing you’re just a figment of Janine’s imagination. If you weren’t an amalgamation of clouded perceptions and unkind thoughts strung together to make a terrible straw man argument to support Janine’s life choices, I’d imagine you’d be readying an extra-hot venti latte to dump on your wonderful pal Janine right about now.
What the fuck? Okay, I don’t even know what Janine’s talking about any more. I guess the gist is that 30-something “career women” need to be more attentive so they can better prepare for trying to become mothers because any other life choice is invalid. The only thing that strikes me as even more offensive than the views expressed in this post is the fact that it’s entirely unsurprising that this whole mess is directed at “Doris” — because god forbid “David” get some of this same tired, disrespectful, patronizing bullshit.
What do you think of this article? Do you agree with any of these observations about “Doris”?
Image via Penelope Waits/Flickr
title: “Open Letter To Clock Ticking Childless Women Makes Moms Look Condescending Self Righteous” ShowToc: true date: “2024-08-31” author: “Raymond Wise”
Okay. Okay okay okay. First I’m going to breathe. Next I’ll ask you to read this baffling post titled, “Maybe You Are Ready for Kids, You’re Just Not Paying Attention.” Then we’re all going to 1) apologize on behalf of moms everywhere, because GAH, we don’t all think like this! and 2) chat about how Ms. Kovac has LOST HER DAMN MIND.
In fact, let’s just take this point by sarcastic, disbelieving point:
So basically if you’re in your mid-30s, you have a job and a vagina but you don’t have kids, your name is now Doris. Because you’re ALL THE SAME. Also, despite the fact that you are in fact a woman with a career, apparently you just “think of yourself” that way. You don’t get an identity until you have children, Doris.
Who knows Doris better than she knows herself? Her good pal Janine, of course.
Doris, why are you so reluctant to have children when you’re basically a child yourself? Having complex, conflicting emotions and varying personal priorities is so incredibly immature.
Look at me, glowing with pride, years after cowing to my partner’s demands to procreate, now that cognitive dissonance no longer allows me to recognize the feelings of not being ready for parenthood. Admit your jealousy, Doris! ADMIT YOUR LACK OF FAITH.
Oh Janine, Janine, Janine. Have you considered that Doris may be checking her iPhone to see if anyone’s released an app called “57 Ways to Silently Throat-Punch Someone in a Starbucks”?
gavel bang Finally, we’ve solved the ever-complicated issue of Is Having a Dog Exactly the Same as Having Human Children? It’s maybe too bad that the goat-poop-eating child will have voting rights, but that’s how democracy works, Doris. You’d know this is you were a mother.
That’s right, Doris. What could you possibly know about the world until you have children? What value could you bring, with your “advanced degrees” and your “kindness” and your “compassion”? You were put here on the earth for one purpose, Doris, and that’s to reproduce. Never forget this. In fact, go get a mirror and look at your vagina. What do you see? A MYSTICAL PORTAL FROM WHICH WISDOM FLOWS, DORIS.
Basically, even though you’re sort of a useless shit of a person, Doris, you’re going to be an even more useless mom. But at least you’ll be fulfilling your destiny. I mean, you won’t be on the Janine level of things — does your child eat his own feces? Yeah, I didn’t think so — but it’s time to stop fretting about that “career” of yours and focus on the things that matter.
Or it’s like saying “I’m not ready to make an enormous, permanent life change.” Or “My values aren’t driven by the values of others.” Or “I have life plans and goals that don’t include children.” Whatever, Doris. I don’t expect you to understand my morally superior beliefs.
Independence, freedom, your career, travel, sense of self-worth through non-childcare-related activities, time with your partner, the ability to take a leak without someone pounding on the door … you don’t need those things anymore, Doris. Because I said so. In case it’s not clear: Any reason you have for not pursuing motherhood makes you a less worthy person.
I CAN’T EVEN MAKE A JOKING RESPONSE TO THIS PART BECAUSE THE IMPLICATION THAT CHILDLESS WOMEN ARE SELFISH AND WOULD REALIZE THEIR DESIRE FOR CHILDREN IF ONLY THEY PULLED THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR OWN INATTENTIVE-TO-OTHERS BUTTHOLES FILLS ME WITH INARTICULATE CAPS LOCK RAGE
Yeah. Who here’s DYING to know what Janine’s kids are named?
Oh Doris, it’s a good thing you’re just a figment of Janine’s imagination. If you weren’t an amalgamation of clouded perceptions and unkind thoughts strung together to make a terrible straw man argument to support Janine’s life choices, I’d imagine you’d be readying an extra-hot venti latte to dump on your wonderful pal Janine right about now.
What the fuck? Okay, I don’t even know what Janine’s talking about any more. I guess the gist is that 30-something “career women” need to be more attentive so they can better prepare for trying to become mothers because any other life choice is invalid. The only thing that strikes me as even more offensive than the views expressed in this post is the fact that it’s entirely unsurprising that this whole mess is directed at “Doris” — because god forbid “David” get some of this same tired, disrespectful, patronizing bullshit.
What do you think of this article? Do you agree with any of these observations about “Doris”?
Image via Penelope Waits/Flickr
title: “Open Letter To Clock Ticking Childless Women Makes Moms Look Condescending Self Righteous” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-11” author: “Scott Trease”
Okay. Okay okay okay. First I’m going to breathe. Next I’ll ask you to read this baffling post titled, “Maybe You Are Ready for Kids, You’re Just Not Paying Attention.” Then we’re all going to 1) apologize on behalf of moms everywhere, because GAH, we don’t all think like this! and 2) chat about how Ms. Kovac has LOST HER DAMN MIND.
In fact, let’s just take this point by sarcastic, disbelieving point:
So basically if you’re in your mid-30s, you have a job and a vagina but you don’t have kids, your name is now Doris. Because you’re ALL THE SAME. Also, despite the fact that you are in fact a woman with a career, apparently you just “think of yourself” that way. You don’t get an identity until you have children, Doris.
Who knows Doris better than she knows herself? Her good pal Janine, of course.
Doris, why are you so reluctant to have children when you’re basically a child yourself? Having complex, conflicting emotions and varying personal priorities is so incredibly immature.
Look at me, glowing with pride, years after cowing to my partner’s demands to procreate, now that cognitive dissonance no longer allows me to recognize the feelings of not being ready for parenthood. Admit your jealousy, Doris! ADMIT YOUR LACK OF FAITH.
Oh Janine, Janine, Janine. Have you considered that Doris may be checking her iPhone to see if anyone’s released an app called “57 Ways to Silently Throat-Punch Someone in a Starbucks”?
gavel bang Finally, we’ve solved the ever-complicated issue of Is Having a Dog Exactly the Same as Having Human Children? It’s maybe too bad that the goat-poop-eating child will have voting rights, but that’s how democracy works, Doris. You’d know this is you were a mother.
That’s right, Doris. What could you possibly know about the world until you have children? What value could you bring, with your “advanced degrees” and your “kindness” and your “compassion”? You were put here on the earth for one purpose, Doris, and that’s to reproduce. Never forget this. In fact, go get a mirror and look at your vagina. What do you see? A MYSTICAL PORTAL FROM WHICH WISDOM FLOWS, DORIS.
Basically, even though you’re sort of a useless shit of a person, Doris, you’re going to be an even more useless mom. But at least you’ll be fulfilling your destiny. I mean, you won’t be on the Janine level of things — does your child eat his own feces? Yeah, I didn’t think so — but it’s time to stop fretting about that “career” of yours and focus on the things that matter.
Or it’s like saying “I’m not ready to make an enormous, permanent life change.” Or “My values aren’t driven by the values of others.” Or “I have life plans and goals that don’t include children.” Whatever, Doris. I don’t expect you to understand my morally superior beliefs.
Independence, freedom, your career, travel, sense of self-worth through non-childcare-related activities, time with your partner, the ability to take a leak without someone pounding on the door … you don’t need those things anymore, Doris. Because I said so. In case it’s not clear: Any reason you have for not pursuing motherhood makes you a less worthy person.
I CAN’T EVEN MAKE A JOKING RESPONSE TO THIS PART BECAUSE THE IMPLICATION THAT CHILDLESS WOMEN ARE SELFISH AND WOULD REALIZE THEIR DESIRE FOR CHILDREN IF ONLY THEY PULLED THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR OWN INATTENTIVE-TO-OTHERS BUTTHOLES FILLS ME WITH INARTICULATE CAPS LOCK RAGE
Yeah. Who here’s DYING to know what Janine’s kids are named?
Oh Doris, it’s a good thing you’re just a figment of Janine’s imagination. If you weren’t an amalgamation of clouded perceptions and unkind thoughts strung together to make a terrible straw man argument to support Janine’s life choices, I’d imagine you’d be readying an extra-hot venti latte to dump on your wonderful pal Janine right about now.
What the fuck? Okay, I don’t even know what Janine’s talking about any more. I guess the gist is that 30-something “career women” need to be more attentive so they can better prepare for trying to become mothers because any other life choice is invalid. The only thing that strikes me as even more offensive than the views expressed in this post is the fact that it’s entirely unsurprising that this whole mess is directed at “Doris” — because god forbid “David” get some of this same tired, disrespectful, patronizing bullshit.
What do you think of this article? Do you agree with any of these observations about “Doris”?
Image via Penelope Waits/Flickr
title: “Open Letter To Clock Ticking Childless Women Makes Moms Look Condescending Self Righteous” ShowToc: true date: “2024-10-03” author: “Jose Rojas”
Okay. Okay okay okay. First I’m going to breathe. Next I’ll ask you to read this baffling post titled, “Maybe You Are Ready for Kids, You’re Just Not Paying Attention.” Then we’re all going to 1) apologize on behalf of moms everywhere, because GAH, we don’t all think like this! and 2) chat about how Ms. Kovac has LOST HER DAMN MIND.
In fact, let’s just take this point by sarcastic, disbelieving point:
So basically if you’re in your mid-30s, you have a job and a vagina but you don’t have kids, your name is now Doris. Because you’re ALL THE SAME. Also, despite the fact that you are in fact a woman with a career, apparently you just “think of yourself” that way. You don’t get an identity until you have children, Doris.
Who knows Doris better than she knows herself? Her good pal Janine, of course.
Doris, why are you so reluctant to have children when you’re basically a child yourself? Having complex, conflicting emotions and varying personal priorities is so incredibly immature.
Look at me, glowing with pride, years after cowing to my partner’s demands to procreate, now that cognitive dissonance no longer allows me to recognize the feelings of not being ready for parenthood. Admit your jealousy, Doris! ADMIT YOUR LACK OF FAITH.
Oh Janine, Janine, Janine. Have you considered that Doris may be checking her iPhone to see if anyone’s released an app called “57 Ways to Silently Throat-Punch Someone in a Starbucks”?
gavel bang Finally, we’ve solved the ever-complicated issue of Is Having a Dog Exactly the Same as Having Human Children? It’s maybe too bad that the goat-poop-eating child will have voting rights, but that’s how democracy works, Doris. You’d know this is you were a mother.
That’s right, Doris. What could you possibly know about the world until you have children? What value could you bring, with your “advanced degrees” and your “kindness” and your “compassion”? You were put here on the earth for one purpose, Doris, and that’s to reproduce. Never forget this. In fact, go get a mirror and look at your vagina. What do you see? A MYSTICAL PORTAL FROM WHICH WISDOM FLOWS, DORIS.
Basically, even though you’re sort of a useless shit of a person, Doris, you’re going to be an even more useless mom. But at least you’ll be fulfilling your destiny. I mean, you won’t be on the Janine level of things — does your child eat his own feces? Yeah, I didn’t think so — but it’s time to stop fretting about that “career” of yours and focus on the things that matter.
Or it’s like saying “I’m not ready to make an enormous, permanent life change.” Or “My values aren’t driven by the values of others.” Or “I have life plans and goals that don’t include children.” Whatever, Doris. I don’t expect you to understand my morally superior beliefs.
Independence, freedom, your career, travel, sense of self-worth through non-childcare-related activities, time with your partner, the ability to take a leak without someone pounding on the door … you don’t need those things anymore, Doris. Because I said so. In case it’s not clear: Any reason you have for not pursuing motherhood makes you a less worthy person.
I CAN’T EVEN MAKE A JOKING RESPONSE TO THIS PART BECAUSE THE IMPLICATION THAT CHILDLESS WOMEN ARE SELFISH AND WOULD REALIZE THEIR DESIRE FOR CHILDREN IF ONLY THEY PULLED THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR OWN INATTENTIVE-TO-OTHERS BUTTHOLES FILLS ME WITH INARTICULATE CAPS LOCK RAGE
Yeah. Who here’s DYING to know what Janine’s kids are named?
Oh Doris, it’s a good thing you’re just a figment of Janine’s imagination. If you weren’t an amalgamation of clouded perceptions and unkind thoughts strung together to make a terrible straw man argument to support Janine’s life choices, I’d imagine you’d be readying an extra-hot venti latte to dump on your wonderful pal Janine right about now.
What the fuck? Okay, I don’t even know what Janine’s talking about any more. I guess the gist is that 30-something “career women” need to be more attentive so they can better prepare for trying to become mothers because any other life choice is invalid. The only thing that strikes me as even more offensive than the views expressed in this post is the fact that it’s entirely unsurprising that this whole mess is directed at “Doris” — because god forbid “David” get some of this same tired, disrespectful, patronizing bullshit.
What do you think of this article? Do you agree with any of these observations about “Doris”?
Image via Penelope Waits/Flickr
title: “Open Letter To Clock Ticking Childless Women Makes Moms Look Condescending Self Righteous” ShowToc: true date: “2024-10-07” author: “Virginia Otto”
Okay. Okay okay okay. First I’m going to breathe. Next I’ll ask you to read this baffling post titled, “Maybe You Are Ready for Kids, You’re Just Not Paying Attention.” Then we’re all going to 1) apologize on behalf of moms everywhere, because GAH, we don’t all think like this! and 2) chat about how Ms. Kovac has LOST HER DAMN MIND.
In fact, let’s just take this point by sarcastic, disbelieving point:
So basically if you’re in your mid-30s, you have a job and a vagina but you don’t have kids, your name is now Doris. Because you’re ALL THE SAME. Also, despite the fact that you are in fact a woman with a career, apparently you just “think of yourself” that way. You don’t get an identity until you have children, Doris.
Who knows Doris better than she knows herself? Her good pal Janine, of course.
Doris, why are you so reluctant to have children when you’re basically a child yourself? Having complex, conflicting emotions and varying personal priorities is so incredibly immature.
Look at me, glowing with pride, years after cowing to my partner’s demands to procreate, now that cognitive dissonance no longer allows me to recognize the feelings of not being ready for parenthood. Admit your jealousy, Doris! ADMIT YOUR LACK OF FAITH.
Oh Janine, Janine, Janine. Have you considered that Doris may be checking her iPhone to see if anyone’s released an app called “57 Ways to Silently Throat-Punch Someone in a Starbucks”?
gavel bang Finally, we’ve solved the ever-complicated issue of Is Having a Dog Exactly the Same as Having Human Children? It’s maybe too bad that the goat-poop-eating child will have voting rights, but that’s how democracy works, Doris. You’d know this is you were a mother.
That’s right, Doris. What could you possibly know about the world until you have children? What value could you bring, with your “advanced degrees” and your “kindness” and your “compassion”? You were put here on the earth for one purpose, Doris, and that’s to reproduce. Never forget this. In fact, go get a mirror and look at your vagina. What do you see? A MYSTICAL PORTAL FROM WHICH WISDOM FLOWS, DORIS.
Basically, even though you’re sort of a useless shit of a person, Doris, you’re going to be an even more useless mom. But at least you’ll be fulfilling your destiny. I mean, you won’t be on the Janine level of things — does your child eat his own feces? Yeah, I didn’t think so — but it’s time to stop fretting about that “career” of yours and focus on the things that matter.
Or it’s like saying “I’m not ready to make an enormous, permanent life change.” Or “My values aren’t driven by the values of others.” Or “I have life plans and goals that don’t include children.” Whatever, Doris. I don’t expect you to understand my morally superior beliefs.
Independence, freedom, your career, travel, sense of self-worth through non-childcare-related activities, time with your partner, the ability to take a leak without someone pounding on the door … you don’t need those things anymore, Doris. Because I said so. In case it’s not clear: Any reason you have for not pursuing motherhood makes you a less worthy person.
I CAN’T EVEN MAKE A JOKING RESPONSE TO THIS PART BECAUSE THE IMPLICATION THAT CHILDLESS WOMEN ARE SELFISH AND WOULD REALIZE THEIR DESIRE FOR CHILDREN IF ONLY THEY PULLED THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR OWN INATTENTIVE-TO-OTHERS BUTTHOLES FILLS ME WITH INARTICULATE CAPS LOCK RAGE
Yeah. Who here’s DYING to know what Janine’s kids are named?
Oh Doris, it’s a good thing you’re just a figment of Janine’s imagination. If you weren’t an amalgamation of clouded perceptions and unkind thoughts strung together to make a terrible straw man argument to support Janine’s life choices, I’d imagine you’d be readying an extra-hot venti latte to dump on your wonderful pal Janine right about now.
What the fuck? Okay, I don’t even know what Janine’s talking about any more. I guess the gist is that 30-something “career women” need to be more attentive so they can better prepare for trying to become mothers because any other life choice is invalid. The only thing that strikes me as even more offensive than the views expressed in this post is the fact that it’s entirely unsurprising that this whole mess is directed at “Doris” — because god forbid “David” get some of this same tired, disrespectful, patronizing bullshit.
What do you think of this article? Do you agree with any of these observations about “Doris”?
Image via Penelope Waits/Flickr
title: “Open Letter To Clock Ticking Childless Women Makes Moms Look Condescending Self Righteous” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-25” author: “Charles Lupien”
Okay. Okay okay okay. First I’m going to breathe. Next I’ll ask you to read this baffling post titled, “Maybe You Are Ready for Kids, You’re Just Not Paying Attention.” Then we’re all going to 1) apologize on behalf of moms everywhere, because GAH, we don’t all think like this! and 2) chat about how Ms. Kovac has LOST HER DAMN MIND.
In fact, let’s just take this point by sarcastic, disbelieving point:
So basically if you’re in your mid-30s, you have a job and a vagina but you don’t have kids, your name is now Doris. Because you’re ALL THE SAME. Also, despite the fact that you are in fact a woman with a career, apparently you just “think of yourself” that way. You don’t get an identity until you have children, Doris.
Who knows Doris better than she knows herself? Her good pal Janine, of course.
Doris, why are you so reluctant to have children when you’re basically a child yourself? Having complex, conflicting emotions and varying personal priorities is so incredibly immature.
Look at me, glowing with pride, years after cowing to my partner’s demands to procreate, now that cognitive dissonance no longer allows me to recognize the feelings of not being ready for parenthood. Admit your jealousy, Doris! ADMIT YOUR LACK OF FAITH.
Oh Janine, Janine, Janine. Have you considered that Doris may be checking her iPhone to see if anyone’s released an app called “57 Ways to Silently Throat-Punch Someone in a Starbucks”?
gavel bang Finally, we’ve solved the ever-complicated issue of Is Having a Dog Exactly the Same as Having Human Children? It’s maybe too bad that the goat-poop-eating child will have voting rights, but that’s how democracy works, Doris. You’d know this is you were a mother.
That’s right, Doris. What could you possibly know about the world until you have children? What value could you bring, with your “advanced degrees” and your “kindness” and your “compassion”? You were put here on the earth for one purpose, Doris, and that’s to reproduce. Never forget this. In fact, go get a mirror and look at your vagina. What do you see? A MYSTICAL PORTAL FROM WHICH WISDOM FLOWS, DORIS.
Basically, even though you’re sort of a useless shit of a person, Doris, you’re going to be an even more useless mom. But at least you’ll be fulfilling your destiny. I mean, you won’t be on the Janine level of things — does your child eat his own feces? Yeah, I didn’t think so — but it’s time to stop fretting about that “career” of yours and focus on the things that matter.
Or it’s like saying “I’m not ready to make an enormous, permanent life change.” Or “My values aren’t driven by the values of others.” Or “I have life plans and goals that don’t include children.” Whatever, Doris. I don’t expect you to understand my morally superior beliefs.
Independence, freedom, your career, travel, sense of self-worth through non-childcare-related activities, time with your partner, the ability to take a leak without someone pounding on the door … you don’t need those things anymore, Doris. Because I said so. In case it’s not clear: Any reason you have for not pursuing motherhood makes you a less worthy person.
I CAN’T EVEN MAKE A JOKING RESPONSE TO THIS PART BECAUSE THE IMPLICATION THAT CHILDLESS WOMEN ARE SELFISH AND WOULD REALIZE THEIR DESIRE FOR CHILDREN IF ONLY THEY PULLED THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR OWN INATTENTIVE-TO-OTHERS BUTTHOLES FILLS ME WITH INARTICULATE CAPS LOCK RAGE
Yeah. Who here’s DYING to know what Janine’s kids are named?
Oh Doris, it’s a good thing you’re just a figment of Janine’s imagination. If you weren’t an amalgamation of clouded perceptions and unkind thoughts strung together to make a terrible straw man argument to support Janine’s life choices, I’d imagine you’d be readying an extra-hot venti latte to dump on your wonderful pal Janine right about now.
What the fuck? Okay, I don’t even know what Janine’s talking about any more. I guess the gist is that 30-something “career women” need to be more attentive so they can better prepare for trying to become mothers because any other life choice is invalid. The only thing that strikes me as even more offensive than the views expressed in this post is the fact that it’s entirely unsurprising that this whole mess is directed at “Doris” — because god forbid “David” get some of this same tired, disrespectful, patronizing bullshit.
What do you think of this article? Do you agree with any of these observations about “Doris”?
Image via Penelope Waits/Flickr
title: “Open Letter To Clock Ticking Childless Women Makes Moms Look Condescending Self Righteous” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-02” author: “Rhonda Reynolds”
Okay. Okay okay okay. First I’m going to breathe. Next I’ll ask you to read this baffling post titled, “Maybe You Are Ready for Kids, You’re Just Not Paying Attention.” Then we’re all going to 1) apologize on behalf of moms everywhere, because GAH, we don’t all think like this! and 2) chat about how Ms. Kovac has LOST HER DAMN MIND.
In fact, let’s just take this point by sarcastic, disbelieving point:
So basically if you’re in your mid-30s, you have a job and a vagina but you don’t have kids, your name is now Doris. Because you’re ALL THE SAME. Also, despite the fact that you are in fact a woman with a career, apparently you just “think of yourself” that way. You don’t get an identity until you have children, Doris.
Who knows Doris better than she knows herself? Her good pal Janine, of course.
Doris, why are you so reluctant to have children when you’re basically a child yourself? Having complex, conflicting emotions and varying personal priorities is so incredibly immature.
Look at me, glowing with pride, years after cowing to my partner’s demands to procreate, now that cognitive dissonance no longer allows me to recognize the feelings of not being ready for parenthood. Admit your jealousy, Doris! ADMIT YOUR LACK OF FAITH.
Oh Janine, Janine, Janine. Have you considered that Doris may be checking her iPhone to see if anyone’s released an app called “57 Ways to Silently Throat-Punch Someone in a Starbucks”?
gavel bang Finally, we’ve solved the ever-complicated issue of Is Having a Dog Exactly the Same as Having Human Children? It’s maybe too bad that the goat-poop-eating child will have voting rights, but that’s how democracy works, Doris. You’d know this is you were a mother.
That’s right, Doris. What could you possibly know about the world until you have children? What value could you bring, with your “advanced degrees” and your “kindness” and your “compassion”? You were put here on the earth for one purpose, Doris, and that’s to reproduce. Never forget this. In fact, go get a mirror and look at your vagina. What do you see? A MYSTICAL PORTAL FROM WHICH WISDOM FLOWS, DORIS.
Basically, even though you’re sort of a useless shit of a person, Doris, you’re going to be an even more useless mom. But at least you’ll be fulfilling your destiny. I mean, you won’t be on the Janine level of things — does your child eat his own feces? Yeah, I didn’t think so — but it’s time to stop fretting about that “career” of yours and focus on the things that matter.
Or it’s like saying “I’m not ready to make an enormous, permanent life change.” Or “My values aren’t driven by the values of others.” Or “I have life plans and goals that don’t include children.” Whatever, Doris. I don’t expect you to understand my morally superior beliefs.
Independence, freedom, your career, travel, sense of self-worth through non-childcare-related activities, time with your partner, the ability to take a leak without someone pounding on the door … you don’t need those things anymore, Doris. Because I said so. In case it’s not clear: Any reason you have for not pursuing motherhood makes you a less worthy person.
I CAN’T EVEN MAKE A JOKING RESPONSE TO THIS PART BECAUSE THE IMPLICATION THAT CHILDLESS WOMEN ARE SELFISH AND WOULD REALIZE THEIR DESIRE FOR CHILDREN IF ONLY THEY PULLED THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR OWN INATTENTIVE-TO-OTHERS BUTTHOLES FILLS ME WITH INARTICULATE CAPS LOCK RAGE
Yeah. Who here’s DYING to know what Janine’s kids are named?
Oh Doris, it’s a good thing you’re just a figment of Janine’s imagination. If you weren’t an amalgamation of clouded perceptions and unkind thoughts strung together to make a terrible straw man argument to support Janine’s life choices, I’d imagine you’d be readying an extra-hot venti latte to dump on your wonderful pal Janine right about now.
What the fuck? Okay, I don’t even know what Janine’s talking about any more. I guess the gist is that 30-something “career women” need to be more attentive so they can better prepare for trying to become mothers because any other life choice is invalid. The only thing that strikes me as even more offensive than the views expressed in this post is the fact that it’s entirely unsurprising that this whole mess is directed at “Doris” — because god forbid “David” get some of this same tired, disrespectful, patronizing bullshit.
What do you think of this article? Do you agree with any of these observations about “Doris”?
Image via Penelope Waits/Flickr
title: “Open Letter To Clock Ticking Childless Women Makes Moms Look Condescending Self Righteous” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-26” author: “Rose Lovato”
Okay. Okay okay okay. First I’m going to breathe. Next I’ll ask you to read this baffling post titled, “Maybe You Are Ready for Kids, You’re Just Not Paying Attention.” Then we’re all going to 1) apologize on behalf of moms everywhere, because GAH, we don’t all think like this! and 2) chat about how Ms. Kovac has LOST HER DAMN MIND.
In fact, let’s just take this point by sarcastic, disbelieving point:
So basically if you’re in your mid-30s, you have a job and a vagina but you don’t have kids, your name is now Doris. Because you’re ALL THE SAME. Also, despite the fact that you are in fact a woman with a career, apparently you just “think of yourself” that way. You don’t get an identity until you have children, Doris.
Who knows Doris better than she knows herself? Her good pal Janine, of course.
Doris, why are you so reluctant to have children when you’re basically a child yourself? Having complex, conflicting emotions and varying personal priorities is so incredibly immature.
Look at me, glowing with pride, years after cowing to my partner’s demands to procreate, now that cognitive dissonance no longer allows me to recognize the feelings of not being ready for parenthood. Admit your jealousy, Doris! ADMIT YOUR LACK OF FAITH.
Oh Janine, Janine, Janine. Have you considered that Doris may be checking her iPhone to see if anyone’s released an app called “57 Ways to Silently Throat-Punch Someone in a Starbucks”?
gavel bang Finally, we’ve solved the ever-complicated issue of Is Having a Dog Exactly the Same as Having Human Children? It’s maybe too bad that the goat-poop-eating child will have voting rights, but that’s how democracy works, Doris. You’d know this is you were a mother.
That’s right, Doris. What could you possibly know about the world until you have children? What value could you bring, with your “advanced degrees” and your “kindness” and your “compassion”? You were put here on the earth for one purpose, Doris, and that’s to reproduce. Never forget this. In fact, go get a mirror and look at your vagina. What do you see? A MYSTICAL PORTAL FROM WHICH WISDOM FLOWS, DORIS.
Basically, even though you’re sort of a useless shit of a person, Doris, you’re going to be an even more useless mom. But at least you’ll be fulfilling your destiny. I mean, you won’t be on the Janine level of things — does your child eat his own feces? Yeah, I didn’t think so — but it’s time to stop fretting about that “career” of yours and focus on the things that matter.
Or it’s like saying “I’m not ready to make an enormous, permanent life change.” Or “My values aren’t driven by the values of others.” Or “I have life plans and goals that don’t include children.” Whatever, Doris. I don’t expect you to understand my morally superior beliefs.
Independence, freedom, your career, travel, sense of self-worth through non-childcare-related activities, time with your partner, the ability to take a leak without someone pounding on the door … you don’t need those things anymore, Doris. Because I said so. In case it’s not clear: Any reason you have for not pursuing motherhood makes you a less worthy person.
I CAN’T EVEN MAKE A JOKING RESPONSE TO THIS PART BECAUSE THE IMPLICATION THAT CHILDLESS WOMEN ARE SELFISH AND WOULD REALIZE THEIR DESIRE FOR CHILDREN IF ONLY THEY PULLED THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR OWN INATTENTIVE-TO-OTHERS BUTTHOLES FILLS ME WITH INARTICULATE CAPS LOCK RAGE
Yeah. Who here’s DYING to know what Janine’s kids are named?
Oh Doris, it’s a good thing you’re just a figment of Janine’s imagination. If you weren’t an amalgamation of clouded perceptions and unkind thoughts strung together to make a terrible straw man argument to support Janine’s life choices, I’d imagine you’d be readying an extra-hot venti latte to dump on your wonderful pal Janine right about now.
What the fuck? Okay, I don’t even know what Janine’s talking about any more. I guess the gist is that 30-something “career women” need to be more attentive so they can better prepare for trying to become mothers because any other life choice is invalid. The only thing that strikes me as even more offensive than the views expressed in this post is the fact that it’s entirely unsurprising that this whole mess is directed at “Doris” — because god forbid “David” get some of this same tired, disrespectful, patronizing bullshit.
What do you think of this article? Do you agree with any of these observations about “Doris”?
Image via Penelope Waits/Flickr
