BBC spoke to three anonymous moms for the report, each of whom said that even though they love their kids, they wouldn’t have chosen to have children if they truly knew what it’d be like. Allison, a mom of two college-aged boys, told BBC she dreamed of having the stereotypical happy family, but the stress of raising her sons was unlike anything she expected. “Everybody else’s needs and wants came first. The mantra for the last two decades has been ‘if everybody else is happy then I’m happy,’ which is a bit galling sometimes,” she said. “I could have had a better career. I did the school run for 15 years, that is very limiting on a career.” Rachel told BBC that she knows her feelings are taboo, but she simply can’t help it. “You feel like you’ve not been a good mum and it’s a guilt you always carry, it never goes away and you wonder if they know,” she explained. “But life shouldn’t be about giving up your life, your freedom, so they can have a life.” The reasons for child regret are varied. Some, like the moms who spoke with BBC, resent the work it takes to raise a child and feel they’re being forced to put their own lives and happiness on hold. On the I Regret Having Children Facebook page, women post about regretting having children at a young age, being pressured to have kids they didn’t want by demanding partners or their own parents, and feeling resentful after becoming single moms. The confessions seem to be part of a growing trend, but as one might expect, the idea of moms regretting their decision to have children is sparking some heated reactions online. On top of the financial and time demands, there’s also the rampant mommy-shaming on social media and the constant pressure to make our entire lives Pinterest-worthy and Instagram-ready. Moms these days are expected to be an insane combination of Martha Stewart, Sheryl Sandberg, and Mrs. Cleaver, and it’s all too easy to crack under the pressure.
