Life After Loss 12 Women On Being A Young Widow

But sometimes, couples don’t get as much time together as they’d hope or plan for. While we often think of widows as being older women, surrounded by children and grandchildren, it’s heartbreaking to think that anyone can lose a spouse. For young widows, loss is often accompanied by the challenges of becoming a single mom, dealing with financial hardship, and trying to navigate the waters of dating again. We talked to 12 women who were widowed in their 20s and 30s to find out what lessons they’ve learned following the loss of their husband. Read on for good advice and surprising second acts. Image via iStock.com/praetorianphoto When guys find out I’m widowed, it makes them uncomfortable. Like, I think people can deal with the idea of dating someone divorced, but widowed is different. I still haven’t figured out how and when to bring it up. I feel like I have to relearn how to date!" — Shelby T., Fort Wayne, Indiana I’m sad he is gone, obviously, but people want to act like he was a saint now that he is gone and that just wasn’t true. My memories feel complicated." — Mya O., Saint Paul, Minnesota I’m working now and his parents helped pay for some of our expenses, which kept me from going bankrupt. But I wish more than anything we had been smart enough to have made a will and had life insurance." — Amy A., Phoenix, Arizona But it took 11 years to find someone different that I admired at least as much. Along the way, I dated a lot of men and thought several times of settling for almost good enough. I’m glad I took my time, because we’re still going strong almost 20 years later." — Patty N., Philadelphia, Pennsylvania More from CafeMom: Who Will Raise My Daughter If I Die? But on the other, people sometimes act like the fact that he died serving his country is like somehow better for me. Well, eff that. I’m proud he was in the military but he died for no reason, in my mind. I’d give anything to have him back." — Kara M., Dayton, Ohio It forced me to set priorities and let go of things I did for appearances only, because it’s darn difficult to be both mother and father, especially while grieving. It forced me to examine what I had thought were marriage problems, because marriage problems go away when your spouse dies. Your own problems stick around, and there’s no one to blame them on or hope for a solution from when you’re a widow. Once I realized I had been waiting for my husband to fix problems that belonged to me, I saw the entire history of our marriage differently, and I got to work solving those problems. I like who I became. And I’ve seen the same flexible strength and courage in other women widowed young." — Patty N., Philadelphia, Pennsylvania I was devastated and for a while it was good that I was in my small hometown because I got a lot of support. But last year I decided to make a fresh start and moved to a bigger city. Now I’m having a really different life than I imagined. I’m single and figuring out who I am now. I still miss my husband but I think this new life will be a good one." — Courtney K., Saint Paul, Minnesota We just didn’t get enough time together and it sucks. It feels so unfair. I’m sad about the adventures we didn’t have." — Beth T., Los Angeles, California I miss having sex though, so I’ve kind of formed a friends-with-benefits arrangement with someone I used to work with. I get to scratch that itch but no emotional entanglement that I’m not ready for yet." — Ricki M., Naples, Florida I’ve since moved in with his parents. Not only they are helping me with her, but having them around along with his brother makes me feel like we’ll keep his memory alive for her." — Billie J., Topeka, Kansas But I don’t regret our marriage at all. I went into it with my eyes open and I think even the short time we had together was worth it. It was a good marriage." — Name withheld by request More from CafeMom: 10 Wives Reveal What a ‘Good Marriage’ REALLY Means

Life After Loss 12 Women on Being a Young Widow - 10