As my kids begged me to say yes, I hesitated. The fear of fat girl failure is a response to a culture that regularly tells overweight people that we should be embarrassed of our bodies, ashamed for taking up space, and apologetic for thighs that touch and bellies that have stretch marks. It’s all too easy for me to assume that if people see me fail at something athletic, it must be because of my weight. This fear of fat girl failure keeps women like me from going to gym, from riding their bikes in public, and even from swimming laps at the pool, all things that can make us healthier and happier. Fear of failure, especially of coming in last, almost kept me from showing up at the starting line for my last 5K and has kept me from trying the new dance class at my gym. My daughter, who is 6, is totally comfortable in her own skin. She’s strong, confident, and loves the water as much as I do. Over the course of the summer, I’ve watched her master the freestyle and jumping off the diving board and learning how to dive to the bottom of the pool. It would break my heart if she ever lost the feeling of pure joy that comes with jumping in a cold lake or stopped trying to learn new things just because she was afraid of being laughed at or looking less than perfect. As we loaded the kids in the car and headed for the lake, I couldn’t help but think this was one of those parenting moments where I get to decide exactly what kind of behavior I want to model for my kids. Do I sit on the beach in a cover up and model shame? In that moment, I forgot all the times I fell. I forgot about all the people who saw me do it and who maybe even laughed. The only people I cared about were sitting on the beach, cheering for their mom.
