But despite an 8-million-subscriber-strong empire, Meyer’s channel threatened to head straight to, well, the digital graveyard. Where she used to command tens of millions of views on a single video, her uploads over the last year rarely eclipsed 500,000 and even plummeted as low as 150,000 views. People noticed the drop off — and her fallen channel became the butt of cruel internet jokes. Fellow YouTuber Shane Dawson hopped on a mission to help Grav3yardgirl revive her dying channel and uncovered the REAL reason behind her heartbreaking disconnect with fans. I could tell she was nervous and panicking about doing the video. I asked if we could talk without cameras so we could get to know each other. I found out why she was so secretive and nervous. I realized this series was going to get more real than I expected." To Meyer’s credit, a number of YouTubers such as Jaclyn Hill, Jeffree Star, and even Jackie Aina have been accused of becoming materialistic after achieving success. Hill specifically was dragged to high hell for posting a closet tour video. Such a reaction can understandably scare people away from wanting to share more. “I just don’t want people to think that I’m unaware of the privileges that I have and I don’t want to come across as bragging,” Meyer revealed. “I know that rubs some people the wrong way. There’s an on- and off-camera me because I don’t want people to think that I’m an asshole… I don’t want to flex on YouTube. [But] I love watching other people do it.” More importantly, Meyer is afraid to truly enjoy the things she’s earned during her YouTube career in case she loses it all. “Did you come into money or did you do this all yourself?” Dawson’s friend and fellow YouTuber Garrett Watts asked her. Meyer responded, “No, I did all this myself. I’m scared if I ever admit it, it’s going to go away. I’m scared that I just said that statement and now it’s going to become real. I feel like the moment I enjoy anything that I have, it’s gonna die.” “I’ve been in a really dark place and I don’t even like getting dressed in all these cool, funky outfits like I used to. Like, I’ve been feeling so bad about myself." Meanwhile, she shied away from the real content her fans would have gobbled up — for instance, tours of her closet, her in-home arcade, and the chic convertible she bought after a lifetime of wanting one. “I need to get over it and not keep watering down my personality so much because I’m scared to share so many things with you guys,” she shared. In her following video titled “Why I’m So Scared (being myself and crying too much),” Meyer shows more of her vulnerable side. Both videos have over 3 million views — a HUGE jump from views she accrued just one week ago.
