Funny Valentine S Day Poems To Give Your Kids But Not Really

If you’ve been looking for something to replace the “Roses are red, violets are etc” in your kid’s Valentine, here’s a selection of deeply ridiculous poems I wrote when my kids were younger. It’s almost disturbing how these are all still true today:
Did you know you are my heartdid you know you fill me with happinessdid you know you are my everythingdid you know, my dear, oh did youknowIt is 5:30 in the freaking morning?GO.BACK.TO.SLEEP.
:::
No offensebut if you were on Survivoryou would get voted offfirst.They would say you had a strong personalitybut they would really meanthat you were too whinywouldn’t eat the coconutssucked at the puzzlesand couldn’t swim for shit.
:::
It seems unfairthat on top of all the responsibilitiesthe worrythe guiltthe raw, tender loveI have to clip your goddamn fingernails, too.
:::
I was wondering whatyour ingredient label would read(if you had such a thing)and I decided it wouldinclude:
– Summer grass– Thorn-bushes– Labrador puppies– Blue skies– Treacherous seas– High thread count sheets– Electric eels– Warm chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven– Poop– Sunshine
Exact content amounts wouldvary, of coursedepending onvariousthings.
:::
Today you ranfull tiltdirectly into my kneesand hugged me.And I was like,whoahbe careful!But I didn’t really want you to be carefulif that meantnot doing it again.
:::
Hey! Let’s flap our arms!Hey! Let’s play with trucks!Hey! Let’s scream with joy!Hey! Let’s run real fast!Hey! Let’s start crying for no reason whatsoever!Wait.Damn.And it was going so well.
:::
Sometimes I want to put you in a spaceshipand push “Destination: Mars”and wave goodbye to you my sweetand pray for those unsuspecting Martians.But then you smileand laugh with me.And I say oh okayyou can stay.Those Martiansdon’t deserve youanyway.
:::
I love you more than my heart has room forso my love spills everywhereI am a Love Valdezbecause of you. Baby mine.
:::
Whenever I hold your tiny, eager handsI thinkPleaseoh pleaseLet me be so luckyto hold your hands throughout the yearsLet me hold your reluctant, older handsand remember the dayswhen they were tiny.

title: “Funny Valentine S Day Poems To Give Your Kids But Not Really " ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-21” author: “John Deaton”

If you’ve been looking for something to replace the “Roses are red, violets are etc” in your kid’s Valentine, here’s a selection of deeply ridiculous poems I wrote when my kids were younger. It’s almost disturbing how these are all still true today:
Did you know you are my heartdid you know you fill me with happinessdid you know you are my everythingdid you know, my dear, oh did youknowIt is 5:30 in the freaking morning?GO.BACK.TO.SLEEP.
:::
No offensebut if you were on Survivoryou would get voted offfirst.They would say you had a strong personalitybut they would really meanthat you were too whinywouldn’t eat the coconutssucked at the puzzlesand couldn’t swim for shit.
:::
It seems unfairthat on top of all the responsibilitiesthe worrythe guiltthe raw, tender loveI have to clip your goddamn fingernails, too.
:::
I was wondering whatyour ingredient label would read(if you had such a thing)and I decided it wouldinclude:
– Summer grass– Thorn-bushes– Labrador puppies– Blue skies– Treacherous seas– High thread count sheets– Electric eels– Warm chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven– Poop– Sunshine
Exact content amounts wouldvary, of coursedepending onvariousthings.
:::
Today you ranfull tiltdirectly into my kneesand hugged me.And I was like,whoahbe careful!But I didn’t really want you to be carefulif that meantnot doing it again.
:::
Hey! Let’s flap our arms!Hey! Let’s play with trucks!Hey! Let’s scream with joy!Hey! Let’s run real fast!Hey! Let’s start crying for no reason whatsoever!Wait.Damn.And it was going so well.
:::
Sometimes I want to put you in a spaceshipand push “Destination: Mars”and wave goodbye to you my sweetand pray for those unsuspecting Martians.But then you smileand laugh with me.And I say oh okayyou can stay.Those Martiansdon’t deserve youanyway.
:::
I love you more than my heart has room forso my love spills everywhereI am a Love Valdezbecause of you. Baby mine.
:::
Whenever I hold your tiny, eager handsI thinkPleaseoh pleaseLet me be so luckyto hold your hands throughout the yearsLet me hold your reluctant, older handsand remember the dayswhen they were tiny.

title: “Funny Valentine S Day Poems To Give Your Kids But Not Really " ShowToc: true date: “2024-08-28” author: “Barbara Rabon”

If you’ve been looking for something to replace the “Roses are red, violets are etc” in your kid’s Valentine, here’s a selection of deeply ridiculous poems I wrote when my kids were younger. It’s almost disturbing how these are all still true today:
Did you know you are my heartdid you know you fill me with happinessdid you know you are my everythingdid you know, my dear, oh did youknowIt is 5:30 in the freaking morning?GO.BACK.TO.SLEEP.
:::
No offensebut if you were on Survivoryou would get voted offfirst.They would say you had a strong personalitybut they would really meanthat you were too whinywouldn’t eat the coconutssucked at the puzzlesand couldn’t swim for shit.
:::
It seems unfairthat on top of all the responsibilitiesthe worrythe guiltthe raw, tender loveI have to clip your goddamn fingernails, too.
:::
I was wondering whatyour ingredient label would read(if you had such a thing)and I decided it wouldinclude:
– Summer grass– Thorn-bushes– Labrador puppies– Blue skies– Treacherous seas– High thread count sheets– Electric eels– Warm chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven– Poop– Sunshine
Exact content amounts wouldvary, of coursedepending onvariousthings.
:::
Today you ranfull tiltdirectly into my kneesand hugged me.And I was like,whoahbe careful!But I didn’t really want you to be carefulif that meantnot doing it again.
:::
Hey! Let’s flap our arms!Hey! Let’s play with trucks!Hey! Let’s scream with joy!Hey! Let’s run real fast!Hey! Let’s start crying for no reason whatsoever!Wait.Damn.And it was going so well.
:::
Sometimes I want to put you in a spaceshipand push “Destination: Mars”and wave goodbye to you my sweetand pray for those unsuspecting Martians.But then you smileand laugh with me.And I say oh okayyou can stay.Those Martiansdon’t deserve youanyway.
:::
I love you more than my heart has room forso my love spills everywhereI am a Love Valdezbecause of you. Baby mine.
:::
Whenever I hold your tiny, eager handsI thinkPleaseoh pleaseLet me be so luckyto hold your hands throughout the yearsLet me hold your reluctant, older handsand remember the dayswhen they were tiny.

title: “Funny Valentine S Day Poems To Give Your Kids But Not Really " ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-03” author: “Shelley Greenspan”

If you’ve been looking for something to replace the “Roses are red, violets are etc” in your kid’s Valentine, here’s a selection of deeply ridiculous poems I wrote when my kids were younger. It’s almost disturbing how these are all still true today:
Did you know you are my heartdid you know you fill me with happinessdid you know you are my everythingdid you know, my dear, oh did youknowIt is 5:30 in the freaking morning?GO.BACK.TO.SLEEP.
:::
No offensebut if you were on Survivoryou would get voted offfirst.They would say you had a strong personalitybut they would really meanthat you were too whinywouldn’t eat the coconutssucked at the puzzlesand couldn’t swim for shit.
:::
It seems unfairthat on top of all the responsibilitiesthe worrythe guiltthe raw, tender loveI have to clip your goddamn fingernails, too.
:::
I was wondering whatyour ingredient label would read(if you had such a thing)and I decided it wouldinclude:
– Summer grass– Thorn-bushes– Labrador puppies– Blue skies– Treacherous seas– High thread count sheets– Electric eels– Warm chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven– Poop– Sunshine
Exact content amounts wouldvary, of coursedepending onvariousthings.
:::
Today you ranfull tiltdirectly into my kneesand hugged me.And I was like,whoahbe careful!But I didn’t really want you to be carefulif that meantnot doing it again.
:::
Hey! Let’s flap our arms!Hey! Let’s play with trucks!Hey! Let’s scream with joy!Hey! Let’s run real fast!Hey! Let’s start crying for no reason whatsoever!Wait.Damn.And it was going so well.
:::
Sometimes I want to put you in a spaceshipand push “Destination: Mars”and wave goodbye to you my sweetand pray for those unsuspecting Martians.But then you smileand laugh with me.And I say oh okayyou can stay.Those Martiansdon’t deserve youanyway.
:::
I love you more than my heart has room forso my love spills everywhereI am a Love Valdezbecause of you. Baby mine.
:::
Whenever I hold your tiny, eager handsI thinkPleaseoh pleaseLet me be so luckyto hold your hands throughout the yearsLet me hold your reluctant, older handsand remember the dayswhen they were tiny.

title: “Funny Valentine S Day Poems To Give Your Kids But Not Really " ShowToc: true date: “2024-10-17” author: “Alan Rooney”

If you’ve been looking for something to replace the “Roses are red, violets are etc” in your kid’s Valentine, here’s a selection of deeply ridiculous poems I wrote when my kids were younger. It’s almost disturbing how these are all still true today:
Did you know you are my heartdid you know you fill me with happinessdid you know you are my everythingdid you know, my dear, oh did youknowIt is 5:30 in the freaking morning?GO.BACK.TO.SLEEP.
:::
No offensebut if you were on Survivoryou would get voted offfirst.They would say you had a strong personalitybut they would really meanthat you were too whinywouldn’t eat the coconutssucked at the puzzlesand couldn’t swim for shit.
:::
It seems unfairthat on top of all the responsibilitiesthe worrythe guiltthe raw, tender loveI have to clip your goddamn fingernails, too.
:::
I was wondering whatyour ingredient label would read(if you had such a thing)and I decided it wouldinclude:
– Summer grass– Thorn-bushes– Labrador puppies– Blue skies– Treacherous seas– High thread count sheets– Electric eels– Warm chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven– Poop– Sunshine
Exact content amounts wouldvary, of coursedepending onvariousthings.
:::
Today you ranfull tiltdirectly into my kneesand hugged me.And I was like,whoahbe careful!But I didn’t really want you to be carefulif that meantnot doing it again.
:::
Hey! Let’s flap our arms!Hey! Let’s play with trucks!Hey! Let’s scream with joy!Hey! Let’s run real fast!Hey! Let’s start crying for no reason whatsoever!Wait.Damn.And it was going so well.
:::
Sometimes I want to put you in a spaceshipand push “Destination: Mars”and wave goodbye to you my sweetand pray for those unsuspecting Martians.But then you smileand laugh with me.And I say oh okayyou can stay.Those Martiansdon’t deserve youanyway.
:::
I love you more than my heart has room forso my love spills everywhereI am a Love Valdezbecause of you. Baby mine.
:::
Whenever I hold your tiny, eager handsI thinkPleaseoh pleaseLet me be so luckyto hold your hands throughout the yearsLet me hold your reluctant, older handsand remember the dayswhen they were tiny.

title: “Funny Valentine S Day Poems To Give Your Kids But Not Really " ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-17” author: “Peter Hardin”

If you’ve been looking for something to replace the “Roses are red, violets are etc” in your kid’s Valentine, here’s a selection of deeply ridiculous poems I wrote when my kids were younger. It’s almost disturbing how these are all still true today:
Did you know you are my heartdid you know you fill me with happinessdid you know you are my everythingdid you know, my dear, oh did youknowIt is 5:30 in the freaking morning?GO.BACK.TO.SLEEP.
:::
No offensebut if you were on Survivoryou would get voted offfirst.They would say you had a strong personalitybut they would really meanthat you were too whinywouldn’t eat the coconutssucked at the puzzlesand couldn’t swim for shit.
:::
It seems unfairthat on top of all the responsibilitiesthe worrythe guiltthe raw, tender loveI have to clip your goddamn fingernails, too.
:::
I was wondering whatyour ingredient label would read(if you had such a thing)and I decided it wouldinclude:
– Summer grass– Thorn-bushes– Labrador puppies– Blue skies– Treacherous seas– High thread count sheets– Electric eels– Warm chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven– Poop– Sunshine
Exact content amounts wouldvary, of coursedepending onvariousthings.
:::
Today you ranfull tiltdirectly into my kneesand hugged me.And I was like,whoahbe careful!But I didn’t really want you to be carefulif that meantnot doing it again.
:::
Hey! Let’s flap our arms!Hey! Let’s play with trucks!Hey! Let’s scream with joy!Hey! Let’s run real fast!Hey! Let’s start crying for no reason whatsoever!Wait.Damn.And it was going so well.
:::
Sometimes I want to put you in a spaceshipand push “Destination: Mars”and wave goodbye to you my sweetand pray for those unsuspecting Martians.But then you smileand laugh with me.And I say oh okayyou can stay.Those Martiansdon’t deserve youanyway.
:::
I love you more than my heart has room forso my love spills everywhereI am a Love Valdezbecause of you. Baby mine.
:::
Whenever I hold your tiny, eager handsI thinkPleaseoh pleaseLet me be so luckyto hold your hands throughout the yearsLet me hold your reluctant, older handsand remember the dayswhen they were tiny.

title: “Funny Valentine S Day Poems To Give Your Kids But Not Really " ShowToc: true date: “2024-10-05” author: “Bernice Grosvenor”

If you’ve been looking for something to replace the “Roses are red, violets are etc” in your kid’s Valentine, here’s a selection of deeply ridiculous poems I wrote when my kids were younger. It’s almost disturbing how these are all still true today:
Did you know you are my heartdid you know you fill me with happinessdid you know you are my everythingdid you know, my dear, oh did youknowIt is 5:30 in the freaking morning?GO.BACK.TO.SLEEP.
:::
No offensebut if you were on Survivoryou would get voted offfirst.They would say you had a strong personalitybut they would really meanthat you were too whinywouldn’t eat the coconutssucked at the puzzlesand couldn’t swim for shit.
:::
It seems unfairthat on top of all the responsibilitiesthe worrythe guiltthe raw, tender loveI have to clip your goddamn fingernails, too.
:::
I was wondering whatyour ingredient label would read(if you had such a thing)and I decided it wouldinclude:
– Summer grass– Thorn-bushes– Labrador puppies– Blue skies– Treacherous seas– High thread count sheets– Electric eels– Warm chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven– Poop– Sunshine
Exact content amounts wouldvary, of coursedepending onvariousthings.
:::
Today you ranfull tiltdirectly into my kneesand hugged me.And I was like,whoahbe careful!But I didn’t really want you to be carefulif that meantnot doing it again.
:::
Hey! Let’s flap our arms!Hey! Let’s play with trucks!Hey! Let’s scream with joy!Hey! Let’s run real fast!Hey! Let’s start crying for no reason whatsoever!Wait.Damn.And it was going so well.
:::
Sometimes I want to put you in a spaceshipand push “Destination: Mars”and wave goodbye to you my sweetand pray for those unsuspecting Martians.But then you smileand laugh with me.And I say oh okayyou can stay.Those Martiansdon’t deserve youanyway.
:::
I love you more than my heart has room forso my love spills everywhereI am a Love Valdezbecause of you. Baby mine.
:::
Whenever I hold your tiny, eager handsI thinkPleaseoh pleaseLet me be so luckyto hold your hands throughout the yearsLet me hold your reluctant, older handsand remember the dayswhen they were tiny.

title: “Funny Valentine S Day Poems To Give Your Kids But Not Really " ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-12” author: “Samuel Davis”

If you’ve been looking for something to replace the “Roses are red, violets are etc” in your kid’s Valentine, here’s a selection of deeply ridiculous poems I wrote when my kids were younger. It’s almost disturbing how these are all still true today:
Did you know you are my heartdid you know you fill me with happinessdid you know you are my everythingdid you know, my dear, oh did youknowIt is 5:30 in the freaking morning?GO.BACK.TO.SLEEP.
:::
No offensebut if you were on Survivoryou would get voted offfirst.They would say you had a strong personalitybut they would really meanthat you were too whinywouldn’t eat the coconutssucked at the puzzlesand couldn’t swim for shit.
:::
It seems unfairthat on top of all the responsibilitiesthe worrythe guiltthe raw, tender loveI have to clip your goddamn fingernails, too.
:::
I was wondering whatyour ingredient label would read(if you had such a thing)and I decided it wouldinclude:
– Summer grass– Thorn-bushes– Labrador puppies– Blue skies– Treacherous seas– High thread count sheets– Electric eels– Warm chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven– Poop– Sunshine
Exact content amounts wouldvary, of coursedepending onvariousthings.
:::
Today you ranfull tiltdirectly into my kneesand hugged me.And I was like,whoahbe careful!But I didn’t really want you to be carefulif that meantnot doing it again.
:::
Hey! Let’s flap our arms!Hey! Let’s play with trucks!Hey! Let’s scream with joy!Hey! Let’s run real fast!Hey! Let’s start crying for no reason whatsoever!Wait.Damn.And it was going so well.
:::
Sometimes I want to put you in a spaceshipand push “Destination: Mars”and wave goodbye to you my sweetand pray for those unsuspecting Martians.But then you smileand laugh with me.And I say oh okayyou can stay.Those Martiansdon’t deserve youanyway.
:::
I love you more than my heart has room forso my love spills everywhereI am a Love Valdezbecause of you. Baby mine.
:::
Whenever I hold your tiny, eager handsI thinkPleaseoh pleaseLet me be so luckyto hold your hands throughout the yearsLet me hold your reluctant, older handsand remember the dayswhen they were tiny.