Elizabeth Comensky isn’t just a mom to a beautiful little girl; she is also a strong advocate for parents who’ve faced miscarriages and stillbirth. Although she quickly conceived her toddler, Gemma, and had an easy pregnancy, Comensky has since experienced heartbreak with three other pregnancies that resulted in two miscarriages and a recent stillbirth. At just 28 years old, this mom has endured more pain than some have in a lifetime, but she refuses to see herself as anything but one thing: a survivor. And she’s using her voice and her experiences to raise awareness for other grieving parents after delivering her stillborn daughter, Stella. “I think a lot of people think of miscarriage and envision a woman who starts bleeding a few days or weeks after finding out she is pregnant. That couldn’t be further away from my experiences with loss,” she tells CafeMom. “Two of my three losses were missed second-trimester miscarriages, meaning that I was past the ‘safe zone’ and had absolutely no symptoms that I had lost the babies.” Three days later, Elizabeth was induced and spent 18 hours in labor before meeting her daughter. “The nurses let my husband and I snuggle and nap with Stella for six unbelievable hours. It was the first time that I felt at peace since learning that we lost her,” she explains. “There are no words to describe what it feels like to have to say hello and goodbye to your baby in the same day.” “We were told that although this was a late miscarriage, it was most likely because of a chromosomal abnormality and that it shouldn’t happen again,” she says. Yet six months later, Elizabeth found herself undergoing another D&C after miscarrying again at just eight weeks. “Pregnancy after loss is extremely different than a normal pregnancy,” Elizabeth reveals. “You anxiously wait for ultrasounds and the reassurance of a beating heart. Prior loss steals so much of the joy that a normal, naive pregnancy should have, but it adds so much appreciation and gratitude. You no longer care about whether or not you are having a boy or a girl. You care that you are having a baby.” More from CafeMom: The Story Behind This Rainbow Baby Shoot Is Even More Emotional Than the Pictures Elizabeth also says she’s learned how offensive the term “miscarriage” is, because it places blame on moms. She also hopes people think twice before using the term “pregnancy loss.” “Yes, you have lost your pregnancy, but you also lose so much more than that. You lose your child. You lose the future you had planned for yourself,” she says. “You lose all future experiences with your child. You lose faith. You lose trust in your body. You lose yourself.” As Elizabeth continues to grieve, she is determined to incorporate Stella’s memory into her family’s new normal. “I think a beautiful way to help erase the shame and stigma surrounding miscarriage is by celebrating the life that was created, however brief it may have been. It was very therapeutic for my husband and I to have a memorial service for our first angel. We had her ashes blessed, read letters aloud that we wrote to her, and released balloons in her honor,” she says. “Plant a tree in memory of your baby, get a tattoo, journal. Do whatever you need to do to grieve the loss.”
title: “After 2 Miscarriages Heartbroken Mom Shares What It S Like To Say Hello Goodbye To A Stillborn Baby” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-01” author: “Jack Ramos”
Elizabeth Comensky isn’t just a mom to a beautiful little girl; she is also a strong advocate for parents who’ve faced miscarriages and stillbirth. Although she quickly conceived her toddler, Gemma, and had an easy pregnancy, Comensky has since experienced heartbreak with three other pregnancies that resulted in two miscarriages and a recent stillbirth. At just 28 years old, this mom has endured more pain than some have in a lifetime, but she refuses to see herself as anything but one thing: a survivor. And she’s using her voice and her experiences to raise awareness for other grieving parents after delivering her stillborn daughter, Stella. “I think a lot of people think of miscarriage and envision a woman who starts bleeding a few days or weeks after finding out she is pregnant. That couldn’t be further away from my experiences with loss,” she tells CafeMom. “Two of my three losses were missed second-trimester miscarriages, meaning that I was past the ‘safe zone’ and had absolutely no symptoms that I had lost the babies.” Three days later, Elizabeth was induced and spent 18 hours in labor before meeting her daughter. “The nurses let my husband and I snuggle and nap with Stella for six unbelievable hours. It was the first time that I felt at peace since learning that we lost her,” she explains. “There are no words to describe what it feels like to have to say hello and goodbye to your baby in the same day.” “We were told that although this was a late miscarriage, it was most likely because of a chromosomal abnormality and that it shouldn’t happen again,” she says. Yet six months later, Elizabeth found herself undergoing another D&C after miscarrying again at just eight weeks. “Pregnancy after loss is extremely different than a normal pregnancy,” Elizabeth reveals. “You anxiously wait for ultrasounds and the reassurance of a beating heart. Prior loss steals so much of the joy that a normal, naive pregnancy should have, but it adds so much appreciation and gratitude. You no longer care about whether or not you are having a boy or a girl. You care that you are having a baby.” More from CafeMom: The Story Behind This Rainbow Baby Shoot Is Even More Emotional Than the Pictures Elizabeth also says she’s learned how offensive the term “miscarriage” is, because it places blame on moms. She also hopes people think twice before using the term “pregnancy loss.” “Yes, you have lost your pregnancy, but you also lose so much more than that. You lose your child. You lose the future you had planned for yourself,” she says. “You lose all future experiences with your child. You lose faith. You lose trust in your body. You lose yourself.” As Elizabeth continues to grieve, she is determined to incorporate Stella’s memory into her family’s new normal. “I think a beautiful way to help erase the shame and stigma surrounding miscarriage is by celebrating the life that was created, however brief it may have been. It was very therapeutic for my husband and I to have a memorial service for our first angel. We had her ashes blessed, read letters aloud that we wrote to her, and released balloons in her honor,” she says. “Plant a tree in memory of your baby, get a tattoo, journal. Do whatever you need to do to grieve the loss.”
