Here are some of my favorite mommy confessions. (With one of my very own.) Can you relate?

  1. I’m wearing maternity jeans but I haven’t been pregnant in six years.
  2. I hate reading bedtime stories. I only do it because I know I have to. Sometimes, I just let them fall asleep watching TV.
  3. I kiss my young teenager goodbye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics. Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands.
  4. I forget to brush my 1- and 2-year-olds’ teeth. I am not sure why it’s so hard for me to remember, but it’s a good thing that these teeth will fall out.
  5. Hidden in the pantry in a box labeled “flour” is top of the line chocolate and a few joints. I rarely resort to it, but it’s a comfort knowing it’s there.
  6. I miss the career I gave up more than I miss my son when I go to the grocery store. But I always get to go back to him.
  7. Once a woman asked me if I breastfed my baby, so I asked her if she shaved her vagina. Sorry, you don’t like personal questions? Me neither.
  8. I confiscated my teenager’s stash of pot, gave her a lecture, and have been smoking it ever since myself.
  9. I joined a gym just for the free daycare. I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.
  10. At the end if the day, my needs are really simple: To be able to shit in peace.
  11. I throw candy wrappers behind the couch and then blame the kids when my husband finds them.
  12. My kids hardly bathe in the summer. The pool totally counts.
  13. I knew my daughter had lice and I sent her to school anyway because I didn’t want to cancel my hair appointment.
  14. I buy store-made muffins and pass them off as my own for bake sales.
  15. Everyone thinks I’m such a great mom for teaching my daughter how to read already. It wasn’t me. It was the Leapfrog pen. I had no idea she could read.
  16. I have a favorite child and I am hardest on him because I feel so guilty about it.
  17. I clock out of motherhood at 8 p.m. I’m so done that I walk out even if they aren’t all tucked in bed and go hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer.
  18. Mother dropping her kid for a sleepover at my house: “No food dye, no dairy, just soy milk, only organic food, and we don’t eat ANY fast food.” I let them eat all the junk they wanted. They seemed fine.
  19. When my daughter asked me what comes after a trillion, I told her “a gazillion.” Um, we are homeschoolers. Not supposed to just make shit up.
  20. Three kids and my husband has never changed a poopy diaper. He says he hates the smell — like I like it?! I’m going to shove the next one in his pillow.
  21. I often see kids and say, “My baby is WAAAY cuter.” Not every baby is cute.
  22. I’ve been socking away $5s and $10s for years and finally have two thousand dollars. No idea what I’ll do with it, but having my own money again is empowering.
  23. Questions of the day: 1) How did the pepperoni get stuck to the ceiling? 2) Why didn’t gravity kick in & make it fall? 3) How did I not notice this? 4) When did we have pizza last?
  24. I put my kids to bed in their clothes so I don’t need to get them dressed the next day.
  25. I confess that most days, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Everyone thinks I have it all together — good wife, good mom, successful career — but I really don’t. I’m ready to stop pretending to be perfect now. So, what’s YOUR mommy confession? Image via Scary Mommy

25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 7225 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 49

title: “25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-21” author: “Loretta Franklin”

Here are some of my favorite mommy confessions. (With one of my very own.) Can you relate?

  1. I’m wearing maternity jeans but I haven’t been pregnant in six years.
  2. I hate reading bedtime stories. I only do it because I know I have to. Sometimes, I just let them fall asleep watching TV.
  3. I kiss my young teenager goodbye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics. Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands.
  4. I forget to brush my 1- and 2-year-olds’ teeth. I am not sure why it’s so hard for me to remember, but it’s a good thing that these teeth will fall out.
  5. Hidden in the pantry in a box labeled “flour” is top of the line chocolate and a few joints. I rarely resort to it, but it’s a comfort knowing it’s there.
  6. I miss the career I gave up more than I miss my son when I go to the grocery store. But I always get to go back to him.
  7. Once a woman asked me if I breastfed my baby, so I asked her if she shaved her vagina. Sorry, you don’t like personal questions? Me neither.
  8. I confiscated my teenager’s stash of pot, gave her a lecture, and have been smoking it ever since myself.
  9. I joined a gym just for the free daycare. I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.
  10. At the end if the day, my needs are really simple: To be able to shit in peace.
  11. I throw candy wrappers behind the couch and then blame the kids when my husband finds them.
  12. My kids hardly bathe in the summer. The pool totally counts.
  13. I knew my daughter had lice and I sent her to school anyway because I didn’t want to cancel my hair appointment.
  14. I buy store-made muffins and pass them off as my own for bake sales.
  15. Everyone thinks I’m such a great mom for teaching my daughter how to read already. It wasn’t me. It was the Leapfrog pen. I had no idea she could read.
  16. I have a favorite child and I am hardest on him because I feel so guilty about it.
  17. I clock out of motherhood at 8 p.m. I’m so done that I walk out even if they aren’t all tucked in bed and go hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer.
  18. Mother dropping her kid for a sleepover at my house: “No food dye, no dairy, just soy milk, only organic food, and we don’t eat ANY fast food.” I let them eat all the junk they wanted. They seemed fine.
  19. When my daughter asked me what comes after a trillion, I told her “a gazillion.” Um, we are homeschoolers. Not supposed to just make shit up.
  20. Three kids and my husband has never changed a poopy diaper. He says he hates the smell — like I like it?! I’m going to shove the next one in his pillow.
  21. I often see kids and say, “My baby is WAAAY cuter.” Not every baby is cute.
  22. I’ve been socking away $5s and $10s for years and finally have two thousand dollars. No idea what I’ll do with it, but having my own money again is empowering.
  23. Questions of the day: 1) How did the pepperoni get stuck to the ceiling? 2) Why didn’t gravity kick in & make it fall? 3) How did I not notice this? 4) When did we have pizza last?
  24. I put my kids to bed in their clothes so I don’t need to get them dressed the next day.
  25. I confess that most days, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Everyone thinks I have it all together — good wife, good mom, successful career — but I really don’t. I’m ready to stop pretending to be perfect now. So, what’s YOUR mommy confession? Image via Scary Mommy

25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 1825 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 47

title: “25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-11” author: “Michael Pults”

Here are some of my favorite mommy confessions. (With one of my very own.) Can you relate?

  1. I’m wearing maternity jeans but I haven’t been pregnant in six years.
  2. I hate reading bedtime stories. I only do it because I know I have to. Sometimes, I just let them fall asleep watching TV.
  3. I kiss my young teenager goodbye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics. Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands.
  4. I forget to brush my 1- and 2-year-olds’ teeth. I am not sure why it’s so hard for me to remember, but it’s a good thing that these teeth will fall out.
  5. Hidden in the pantry in a box labeled “flour” is top of the line chocolate and a few joints. I rarely resort to it, but it’s a comfort knowing it’s there.
  6. I miss the career I gave up more than I miss my son when I go to the grocery store. But I always get to go back to him.
  7. Once a woman asked me if I breastfed my baby, so I asked her if she shaved her vagina. Sorry, you don’t like personal questions? Me neither.
  8. I confiscated my teenager’s stash of pot, gave her a lecture, and have been smoking it ever since myself.
  9. I joined a gym just for the free daycare. I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.
  10. At the end if the day, my needs are really simple: To be able to shit in peace.
  11. I throw candy wrappers behind the couch and then blame the kids when my husband finds them.
  12. My kids hardly bathe in the summer. The pool totally counts.
  13. I knew my daughter had lice and I sent her to school anyway because I didn’t want to cancel my hair appointment.
  14. I buy store-made muffins and pass them off as my own for bake sales.
  15. Everyone thinks I’m such a great mom for teaching my daughter how to read already. It wasn’t me. It was the Leapfrog pen. I had no idea she could read.
  16. I have a favorite child and I am hardest on him because I feel so guilty about it.
  17. I clock out of motherhood at 8 p.m. I’m so done that I walk out even if they aren’t all tucked in bed and go hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer.
  18. Mother dropping her kid for a sleepover at my house: “No food dye, no dairy, just soy milk, only organic food, and we don’t eat ANY fast food.” I let them eat all the junk they wanted. They seemed fine.
  19. When my daughter asked me what comes after a trillion, I told her “a gazillion.” Um, we are homeschoolers. Not supposed to just make shit up.
  20. Three kids and my husband has never changed a poopy diaper. He says he hates the smell — like I like it?! I’m going to shove the next one in his pillow.
  21. I often see kids and say, “My baby is WAAAY cuter.” Not every baby is cute.
  22. I’ve been socking away $5s and $10s for years and finally have two thousand dollars. No idea what I’ll do with it, but having my own money again is empowering.
  23. Questions of the day: 1) How did the pepperoni get stuck to the ceiling? 2) Why didn’t gravity kick in & make it fall? 3) How did I not notice this? 4) When did we have pizza last?
  24. I put my kids to bed in their clothes so I don’t need to get them dressed the next day.
  25. I confess that most days, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Everyone thinks I have it all together — good wife, good mom, successful career — but I really don’t. I’m ready to stop pretending to be perfect now. So, what’s YOUR mommy confession? Image via Scary Mommy

25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 6525 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 12

title: “25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-29” author: “Kenneth Reich”

Here are some of my favorite mommy confessions. (With one of my very own.) Can you relate?

  1. I’m wearing maternity jeans but I haven’t been pregnant in six years.
  2. I hate reading bedtime stories. I only do it because I know I have to. Sometimes, I just let them fall asleep watching TV.
  3. I kiss my young teenager goodbye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics. Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands.
  4. I forget to brush my 1- and 2-year-olds’ teeth. I am not sure why it’s so hard for me to remember, but it’s a good thing that these teeth will fall out.
  5. Hidden in the pantry in a box labeled “flour” is top of the line chocolate and a few joints. I rarely resort to it, but it’s a comfort knowing it’s there.
  6. I miss the career I gave up more than I miss my son when I go to the grocery store. But I always get to go back to him.
  7. Once a woman asked me if I breastfed my baby, so I asked her if she shaved her vagina. Sorry, you don’t like personal questions? Me neither.
  8. I confiscated my teenager’s stash of pot, gave her a lecture, and have been smoking it ever since myself.
  9. I joined a gym just for the free daycare. I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.
  10. At the end if the day, my needs are really simple: To be able to shit in peace.
  11. I throw candy wrappers behind the couch and then blame the kids when my husband finds them.
  12. My kids hardly bathe in the summer. The pool totally counts.
  13. I knew my daughter had lice and I sent her to school anyway because I didn’t want to cancel my hair appointment.
  14. I buy store-made muffins and pass them off as my own for bake sales.
  15. Everyone thinks I’m such a great mom for teaching my daughter how to read already. It wasn’t me. It was the Leapfrog pen. I had no idea she could read.
  16. I have a favorite child and I am hardest on him because I feel so guilty about it.
  17. I clock out of motherhood at 8 p.m. I’m so done that I walk out even if they aren’t all tucked in bed and go hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer.
  18. Mother dropping her kid for a sleepover at my house: “No food dye, no dairy, just soy milk, only organic food, and we don’t eat ANY fast food.” I let them eat all the junk they wanted. They seemed fine.
  19. When my daughter asked me what comes after a trillion, I told her “a gazillion.” Um, we are homeschoolers. Not supposed to just make shit up.
  20. Three kids and my husband has never changed a poopy diaper. He says he hates the smell — like I like it?! I’m going to shove the next one in his pillow.
  21. I often see kids and say, “My baby is WAAAY cuter.” Not every baby is cute.
  22. I’ve been socking away $5s and $10s for years and finally have two thousand dollars. No idea what I’ll do with it, but having my own money again is empowering.
  23. Questions of the day: 1) How did the pepperoni get stuck to the ceiling? 2) Why didn’t gravity kick in & make it fall? 3) How did I not notice this? 4) When did we have pizza last?
  24. I put my kids to bed in their clothes so I don’t need to get them dressed the next day.
  25. I confess that most days, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Everyone thinks I have it all together — good wife, good mom, successful career — but I really don’t. I’m ready to stop pretending to be perfect now. So, what’s YOUR mommy confession? Image via Scary Mommy

25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 2625 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 54

title: “25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-08” author: “Johnny Mcswain”

Here are some of my favorite mommy confessions. (With one of my very own.) Can you relate?

  1. I’m wearing maternity jeans but I haven’t been pregnant in six years.
  2. I hate reading bedtime stories. I only do it because I know I have to. Sometimes, I just let them fall asleep watching TV.
  3. I kiss my young teenager goodbye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics. Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands.
  4. I forget to brush my 1- and 2-year-olds’ teeth. I am not sure why it’s so hard for me to remember, but it’s a good thing that these teeth will fall out.
  5. Hidden in the pantry in a box labeled “flour” is top of the line chocolate and a few joints. I rarely resort to it, but it’s a comfort knowing it’s there.
  6. I miss the career I gave up more than I miss my son when I go to the grocery store. But I always get to go back to him.
  7. Once a woman asked me if I breastfed my baby, so I asked her if she shaved her vagina. Sorry, you don’t like personal questions? Me neither.
  8. I confiscated my teenager’s stash of pot, gave her a lecture, and have been smoking it ever since myself.
  9. I joined a gym just for the free daycare. I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.
  10. At the end if the day, my needs are really simple: To be able to shit in peace.
  11. I throw candy wrappers behind the couch and then blame the kids when my husband finds them.
  12. My kids hardly bathe in the summer. The pool totally counts.
  13. I knew my daughter had lice and I sent her to school anyway because I didn’t want to cancel my hair appointment.
  14. I buy store-made muffins and pass them off as my own for bake sales.
  15. Everyone thinks I’m such a great mom for teaching my daughter how to read already. It wasn’t me. It was the Leapfrog pen. I had no idea she could read.
  16. I have a favorite child and I am hardest on him because I feel so guilty about it.
  17. I clock out of motherhood at 8 p.m. I’m so done that I walk out even if they aren’t all tucked in bed and go hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer.
  18. Mother dropping her kid for a sleepover at my house: “No food dye, no dairy, just soy milk, only organic food, and we don’t eat ANY fast food.” I let them eat all the junk they wanted. They seemed fine.
  19. When my daughter asked me what comes after a trillion, I told her “a gazillion.” Um, we are homeschoolers. Not supposed to just make shit up.
  20. Three kids and my husband has never changed a poopy diaper. He says he hates the smell — like I like it?! I’m going to shove the next one in his pillow.
  21. I often see kids and say, “My baby is WAAAY cuter.” Not every baby is cute.
  22. I’ve been socking away $5s and $10s for years and finally have two thousand dollars. No idea what I’ll do with it, but having my own money again is empowering.
  23. Questions of the day: 1) How did the pepperoni get stuck to the ceiling? 2) Why didn’t gravity kick in & make it fall? 3) How did I not notice this? 4) When did we have pizza last?
  24. I put my kids to bed in their clothes so I don’t need to get them dressed the next day.
  25. I confess that most days, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Everyone thinks I have it all together — good wife, good mom, successful career — but I really don’t. I’m ready to stop pretending to be perfect now. So, what’s YOUR mommy confession? Image via Scary Mommy

25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 9525 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 57

title: “25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions” ShowToc: true date: “2024-10-02” author: “Robert Warner”

Here are some of my favorite mommy confessions. (With one of my very own.) Can you relate?

  1. I’m wearing maternity jeans but I haven’t been pregnant in six years.
  2. I hate reading bedtime stories. I only do it because I know I have to. Sometimes, I just let them fall asleep watching TV.
  3. I kiss my young teenager goodbye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics. Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands.
  4. I forget to brush my 1- and 2-year-olds’ teeth. I am not sure why it’s so hard for me to remember, but it’s a good thing that these teeth will fall out.
  5. Hidden in the pantry in a box labeled “flour” is top of the line chocolate and a few joints. I rarely resort to it, but it’s a comfort knowing it’s there.
  6. I miss the career I gave up more than I miss my son when I go to the grocery store. But I always get to go back to him.
  7. Once a woman asked me if I breastfed my baby, so I asked her if she shaved her vagina. Sorry, you don’t like personal questions? Me neither.
  8. I confiscated my teenager’s stash of pot, gave her a lecture, and have been smoking it ever since myself.
  9. I joined a gym just for the free daycare. I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.
  10. At the end if the day, my needs are really simple: To be able to shit in peace.
  11. I throw candy wrappers behind the couch and then blame the kids when my husband finds them.
  12. My kids hardly bathe in the summer. The pool totally counts.
  13. I knew my daughter had lice and I sent her to school anyway because I didn’t want to cancel my hair appointment.
  14. I buy store-made muffins and pass them off as my own for bake sales.
  15. Everyone thinks I’m such a great mom for teaching my daughter how to read already. It wasn’t me. It was the Leapfrog pen. I had no idea she could read.
  16. I have a favorite child and I am hardest on him because I feel so guilty about it.
  17. I clock out of motherhood at 8 p.m. I’m so done that I walk out even if they aren’t all tucked in bed and go hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer.
  18. Mother dropping her kid for a sleepover at my house: “No food dye, no dairy, just soy milk, only organic food, and we don’t eat ANY fast food.” I let them eat all the junk they wanted. They seemed fine.
  19. When my daughter asked me what comes after a trillion, I told her “a gazillion.” Um, we are homeschoolers. Not supposed to just make shit up.
  20. Three kids and my husband has never changed a poopy diaper. He says he hates the smell — like I like it?! I’m going to shove the next one in his pillow.
  21. I often see kids and say, “My baby is WAAAY cuter.” Not every baby is cute.
  22. I’ve been socking away $5s and $10s for years and finally have two thousand dollars. No idea what I’ll do with it, but having my own money again is empowering.
  23. Questions of the day: 1) How did the pepperoni get stuck to the ceiling? 2) Why didn’t gravity kick in & make it fall? 3) How did I not notice this? 4) When did we have pizza last?
  24. I put my kids to bed in their clothes so I don’t need to get them dressed the next day.
  25. I confess that most days, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Everyone thinks I have it all together — good wife, good mom, successful career — but I really don’t. I’m ready to stop pretending to be perfect now. So, what’s YOUR mommy confession? Image via Scary Mommy

25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 2225 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 92

title: “25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-03” author: “Joseph Ross”

Here are some of my favorite mommy confessions. (With one of my very own.) Can you relate?

  1. I’m wearing maternity jeans but I haven’t been pregnant in six years.
  2. I hate reading bedtime stories. I only do it because I know I have to. Sometimes, I just let them fall asleep watching TV.
  3. I kiss my young teenager goodbye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics. Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands.
  4. I forget to brush my 1- and 2-year-olds’ teeth. I am not sure why it’s so hard for me to remember, but it’s a good thing that these teeth will fall out.
  5. Hidden in the pantry in a box labeled “flour” is top of the line chocolate and a few joints. I rarely resort to it, but it’s a comfort knowing it’s there.
  6. I miss the career I gave up more than I miss my son when I go to the grocery store. But I always get to go back to him.
  7. Once a woman asked me if I breastfed my baby, so I asked her if she shaved her vagina. Sorry, you don’t like personal questions? Me neither.
  8. I confiscated my teenager’s stash of pot, gave her a lecture, and have been smoking it ever since myself.
  9. I joined a gym just for the free daycare. I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.
  10. At the end if the day, my needs are really simple: To be able to shit in peace.
  11. I throw candy wrappers behind the couch and then blame the kids when my husband finds them.
  12. My kids hardly bathe in the summer. The pool totally counts.
  13. I knew my daughter had lice and I sent her to school anyway because I didn’t want to cancel my hair appointment.
  14. I buy store-made muffins and pass them off as my own for bake sales.
  15. Everyone thinks I’m such a great mom for teaching my daughter how to read already. It wasn’t me. It was the Leapfrog pen. I had no idea she could read.
  16. I have a favorite child and I am hardest on him because I feel so guilty about it.
  17. I clock out of motherhood at 8 p.m. I’m so done that I walk out even if they aren’t all tucked in bed and go hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer.
  18. Mother dropping her kid for a sleepover at my house: “No food dye, no dairy, just soy milk, only organic food, and we don’t eat ANY fast food.” I let them eat all the junk they wanted. They seemed fine.
  19. When my daughter asked me what comes after a trillion, I told her “a gazillion.” Um, we are homeschoolers. Not supposed to just make shit up.
  20. Three kids and my husband has never changed a poopy diaper. He says he hates the smell — like I like it?! I’m going to shove the next one in his pillow.
  21. I often see kids and say, “My baby is WAAAY cuter.” Not every baby is cute.
  22. I’ve been socking away $5s and $10s for years and finally have two thousand dollars. No idea what I’ll do with it, but having my own money again is empowering.
  23. Questions of the day: 1) How did the pepperoni get stuck to the ceiling? 2) Why didn’t gravity kick in & make it fall? 3) How did I not notice this? 4) When did we have pizza last?
  24. I put my kids to bed in their clothes so I don’t need to get them dressed the next day.
  25. I confess that most days, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Everyone thinks I have it all together — good wife, good mom, successful career — but I really don’t. I’m ready to stop pretending to be perfect now. So, what’s YOUR mommy confession? Image via Scary Mommy

25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 9925 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 67

title: “25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-25” author: “Saundra Anderson”

Here are some of my favorite mommy confessions. (With one of my very own.) Can you relate?

  1. I’m wearing maternity jeans but I haven’t been pregnant in six years.
  2. I hate reading bedtime stories. I only do it because I know I have to. Sometimes, I just let them fall asleep watching TV.
  3. I kiss my young teenager goodbye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics. Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands.
  4. I forget to brush my 1- and 2-year-olds’ teeth. I am not sure why it’s so hard for me to remember, but it’s a good thing that these teeth will fall out.
  5. Hidden in the pantry in a box labeled “flour” is top of the line chocolate and a few joints. I rarely resort to it, but it’s a comfort knowing it’s there.
  6. I miss the career I gave up more than I miss my son when I go to the grocery store. But I always get to go back to him.
  7. Once a woman asked me if I breastfed my baby, so I asked her if she shaved her vagina. Sorry, you don’t like personal questions? Me neither.
  8. I confiscated my teenager’s stash of pot, gave her a lecture, and have been smoking it ever since myself.
  9. I joined a gym just for the free daycare. I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.
  10. At the end if the day, my needs are really simple: To be able to shit in peace.
  11. I throw candy wrappers behind the couch and then blame the kids when my husband finds them.
  12. My kids hardly bathe in the summer. The pool totally counts.
  13. I knew my daughter had lice and I sent her to school anyway because I didn’t want to cancel my hair appointment.
  14. I buy store-made muffins and pass them off as my own for bake sales.
  15. Everyone thinks I’m such a great mom for teaching my daughter how to read already. It wasn’t me. It was the Leapfrog pen. I had no idea she could read.
  16. I have a favorite child and I am hardest on him because I feel so guilty about it.
  17. I clock out of motherhood at 8 p.m. I’m so done that I walk out even if they aren’t all tucked in bed and go hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer.
  18. Mother dropping her kid for a sleepover at my house: “No food dye, no dairy, just soy milk, only organic food, and we don’t eat ANY fast food.” I let them eat all the junk they wanted. They seemed fine.
  19. When my daughter asked me what comes after a trillion, I told her “a gazillion.” Um, we are homeschoolers. Not supposed to just make shit up.
  20. Three kids and my husband has never changed a poopy diaper. He says he hates the smell — like I like it?! I’m going to shove the next one in his pillow.
  21. I often see kids and say, “My baby is WAAAY cuter.” Not every baby is cute.
  22. I’ve been socking away $5s and $10s for years and finally have two thousand dollars. No idea what I’ll do with it, but having my own money again is empowering.
  23. Questions of the day: 1) How did the pepperoni get stuck to the ceiling? 2) Why didn’t gravity kick in & make it fall? 3) How did I not notice this? 4) When did we have pizza last?
  24. I put my kids to bed in their clothes so I don’t need to get them dressed the next day.
  25. I confess that most days, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Everyone thinks I have it all together — good wife, good mom, successful career — but I really don’t. I’m ready to stop pretending to be perfect now. So, what’s YOUR mommy confession? Image via Scary Mommy

25 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 4125 All Time Favorite Mommy Confessions - 66