21 Truly Mortifying Mom Moments Shared By Survivors

More from CafeMom: Women Reveal Their Most Embarrassing OB-GYN Stories All parents get their shot at being mortified by their kids. And, yes, when that moment happens, it will 100 percent be in public. But the silver lining is that being embarrassed by kids is universal. It has happened to all of us at one time or another. And we can take comfort in knowing that every embarrassing moment eventually becomes a great story. For proof, go ahead and read on for 21 OMG moments from real moms who have, for obvious reasons, asked to remain anonymous. More from CafeMom: 11 LOL Baby Monitor Photos That Capture a Lot More Than Sleeping Just wait until #6. Moms will never look at a playground slide the same way again.
Image via iStock.com/Hramovnick Well, they arrived at the house and my daughter came down the stairs and VERY LOUDLY said ‘WAIT A SECOND — he does NOT look KOREAN. Does Grandma know about this?’ I about died on the spot. Thankfully he burst out laughing and still teases me about it to this day." Longest. Flight. Ever." More from CafeMom: Women Reveal Their Most Embarrassing OBGYN Moments That night we got together with my in-laws and my daughter piped up at dinner that ‘Mama took me on a long walk and I got to see a man’s ding dong and it wasn’t Daddy!’ Oy. That was embarrassing." ‘UMMMMMMMMMMM….’ Oh shit! No! No talking! Whatever you’re about to say, don’t! Please, Jesus, don’t! ‘WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOUR PRIVATE ZONE?’ I hiss, ’nothing is wrong with my private zone!’ ‘IT LOOKS LIKE……’ I’m thinking, shut up!!! ##$% shut up!!!! ‘STUFF IS JUST LIKE HANGING…..’ Damn it. ‘JUST LIKE HANGING OFF YOUR BODY’ (That is the appearance of postpartum, traumatized labia minora, thank you very much, kill me now.) ‘YOU LOOK LIKE A BOY. YOU HAVE A BOY PRIVATE ZONE.’ This was in the bathroom at the Nordstrom Cafe. There was a line." He averted eye contact and it was awkward for a while." More from CafeMom: 10 Most Embarrassing Pregnant Mom Moments That was the only the tip of the iceberg back then! We had no idea where he came up with some of the stuff he came up with. He also told them [my husband’s] job was a ‘pumpkin hunter’ (with a gun)." He shouted, ‘Whaaaaa! YOU HURT ME!’ Me: Honey, I…. Him : ‘THAT’S WHAT YOU DID!’ I got several stares and it was pretty uncomfortable for the rest of our visit. The cashier was not really into chatting with me." Of course it happened on a day I was driving my husband’s Jeep, of which he had recently removed the top off. I was mortified — onlookers were mortified. I called my husband in tears because I was sure someone would call the cops!" And I was like ‘I dunno?’ And he walked over and pulled my dress down and dug his baby arm (arm, not hand — he was up to his elbow) in my gigantic bra was digging around trying to locate it. Guess I didn’t realize he was privy to my stash spot." The next day we installed a lock on the bedroom door." Then she got louder and said ‘Is he ALL BROWN? Is his BOTTOM brown? IS HIS PENIS BROWN?’ I was dying and I looked over and he was laughing so hard he was crying." I had to time excursions because I had about 50 minutes I could make it without a bathroom trip. We went to the grocery store one day — me, newborn, toddler. It took us an especially long time, checkout was slow, traffic was thick, and so by the time we pulled up to the house I was on minute 49 and 55 seconds. I unbuckled my daughter, clenched, got baby in the Beco, cringed as the waist strap pressed into my bladder, clenched, grabbed the groceries (my critical mistake), got everyone up the porch steps, DROPPED THE KEYS. By this point I was dancing so hard. I picked up the keys, got the door open, and shoved us all inside. I shoved so hard that I knocked my daughter over and she splatted on the floor. She started screaming and that stress was just too much for the bladder. I started peeing while I was trying to jump over her fallen body and race to the toilet. Pee ran down my leg and onto her. For at least a week she would burst into tears and ask, ‘WHY DID YOU PEE ON ME?!’" For some reason there was a rule at the hospital that I had to be wheeled to the OR — I couldn’t walk down there. I no longer possessed any power to behave reasonably and refused to put on clothing and was completely uncomfortable laying on my back — so they wheeled a naked groaning doggy style wild woman spectacle through the halls of the hospital to the OR. There were definitely early-labor witnesses. I still shake my head when I think about this." However, after we sat down we discovered it really wasn’t a brunch in the traditional (American) sense — there wasn’t an egg on the menu, much less something with syrup, which would have been the only thing my kids would have eaten. We decided we better move along to a new restaurant. Now, leaving a restaurant is an embarrassing thing in and of itself, so of course the kids had to know why we were leaving. We told them that they only had pastas and soup for brunch, no breakfast food. Our 4-year-old was particularly offended by this: ‘You mean they don’t even have WAFFLES?’ As we neared the door, I leaned into the hostess to quietly tell her that we were leaving. To which my son very LOUDLY announced whilst waving his arms emphatically, ‘We don’t like ANY of this stuff here!’ Classy exit!" My son sighed and said, ‘So many f*cking questions’ in his perfect little 3-year-old voice." More from CafeMom: 14 Most Embarrassing Things Kids Have Done in Church I found out quite quickly that size 2 diapers were not created for adult bladder sizes.They also don’t absorb as quickly as you would think. I had to sit on my sweatshirt the rest of the time because the seat was so wet. Oh, and I had borrowed my dad’s car for the trip. I cleaned it up as best I could but I never told him why the seat was wet." Did I mention we were in the front row? It was mortifying. After that event we changed the name of the liquor store to ’the sucker store’ … because the nice owner always gives him a sucker, hence his desire to go shopping for booze."

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