More from CafeMom: 12 Brutally Honest Rules for Dating a Single Mom
Dating is hard no matter how two people end up connecting, but when it’s on the Internet — well, people tend to let their freak flags fly. Or sometimes, worse, they don’t show off how weird they can truly be. I know, I know, this is how love is found in the modern age. But some of the things my friends have told me about their online dates … well, let’s just say the word “horrifying” was used more than once.
More from CafeMom: 13 Not-So-Little White Lies Women Tell on Dating Sites
Not to make light of another’s plight, but one person’s disaster is another person’s entertainment. So, please enjoy these real-life stories of matches that seemed like a good idea on the computer screen but turned out to be … well, not so hot.
Image via iStock.com/Martin Dimitrov
More from The Stir: 7 Signs You’re Sharing #TMI With (or About) Your Friends
I got to the restaurant a little before 8 p.m. and texted him to let him know where I was sitting. He responded that his meeting had run long and he would be about 15 minutes late. I played on my phone and nursed my beer, looking up every time the door opened to see if it was him. And then there he was, rolling into the restaurant on a Segway. And when I say ‘into the restaurant,’ I mean he rode this damn thing all the way over to our table.
I should have just gotten the check at this point, but then I would have missed out on the rest of the amazing evening, which included him telling me that he didn’t put any toxins into his body, including alcohol, and then glaring at my beer (my third one at this point). He also told me he had a hard time dating because he was a convicted felon and people googled his name and then never wanted to date him again. (PS — I totally googled him when I got home. Turns out the story he told me about why he had been arrested was completely untrue, according to court records.)
Finally, he told me about the major accident he had had a few years back which caused him to get the Segway (because he had to relearn how to walk). His dramatic retelling of this story included having me take an up-close look at his tracheotomy scar and feel the place on his leg where several steel rods had been installed. As we walked out of the restaurant (rather, I walked, and he Segwayed), I decided to make one last ditch effort to make the night memorable and asked if I could test-ride his Segway. He declined. I had been drinking, and it’s unsafe to drive a Segway with so many ’toxins’ in one’s body. At this point, he goes in for a hug, and whispers in my ear, ‘I’d really like to kiss you, but I’ve got the most wicked oral herpes outbreak.’ I managed to get out of earshot of him before I started cackling." — H.P.
More from The Stir: 6 Things Parents of Kids With Special Needs Wish You Would Say
I met back up with him and we hung out the rest of the afternoon and night. At some point towards the end of the evening, he complimented my breasts, then asked a very unusual question — ‘Did you breastfeed your child?’ I thought maybe he was going to say something like ‘because it doesn’t look like it, they’re very perky’ (wishful thinking), but instead when I said yes, he asked if I had ever produced milk since I stopped nursing, and would I be willing to take some pills he had ordered off the Internet to try and induce lactation because he had always dreamed of being able to nurse while having sex.
I was fairly new to the online dating scene at that time and I seriously just did not know what to say. I think I just changed the subject and then left soon thereafter. He called me several times thereafter, but we never went out again." — H.P.
title: “16 Online Dating Stories So Freaky We Want To Quit The Internet” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-14” author: “John Ison”
More from CafeMom: 12 Brutally Honest Rules for Dating a Single Mom
Dating is hard no matter how two people end up connecting, but when it’s on the Internet — well, people tend to let their freak flags fly. Or sometimes, worse, they don’t show off how weird they can truly be. I know, I know, this is how love is found in the modern age. But some of the things my friends have told me about their online dates … well, let’s just say the word “horrifying” was used more than once.
More from CafeMom: 13 Not-So-Little White Lies Women Tell on Dating Sites
Not to make light of another’s plight, but one person’s disaster is another person’s entertainment. So, please enjoy these real-life stories of matches that seemed like a good idea on the computer screen but turned out to be … well, not so hot.
Image via iStock.com/Martin Dimitrov
More from The Stir: 7 Signs You’re Sharing #TMI With (or About) Your Friends
I got to the restaurant a little before 8 p.m. and texted him to let him know where I was sitting. He responded that his meeting had run long and he would be about 15 minutes late. I played on my phone and nursed my beer, looking up every time the door opened to see if it was him. And then there he was, rolling into the restaurant on a Segway. And when I say ‘into the restaurant,’ I mean he rode this damn thing all the way over to our table.
I should have just gotten the check at this point, but then I would have missed out on the rest of the amazing evening, which included him telling me that he didn’t put any toxins into his body, including alcohol, and then glaring at my beer (my third one at this point). He also told me he had a hard time dating because he was a convicted felon and people googled his name and then never wanted to date him again. (PS — I totally googled him when I got home. Turns out the story he told me about why he had been arrested was completely untrue, according to court records.)
Finally, he told me about the major accident he had had a few years back which caused him to get the Segway (because he had to relearn how to walk). His dramatic retelling of this story included having me take an up-close look at his tracheotomy scar and feel the place on his leg where several steel rods had been installed. As we walked out of the restaurant (rather, I walked, and he Segwayed), I decided to make one last ditch effort to make the night memorable and asked if I could test-ride his Segway. He declined. I had been drinking, and it’s unsafe to drive a Segway with so many ’toxins’ in one’s body. At this point, he goes in for a hug, and whispers in my ear, ‘I’d really like to kiss you, but I’ve got the most wicked oral herpes outbreak.’ I managed to get out of earshot of him before I started cackling." — H.P.
More from The Stir: 6 Things Parents of Kids With Special Needs Wish You Would Say
I met back up with him and we hung out the rest of the afternoon and night. At some point towards the end of the evening, he complimented my breasts, then asked a very unusual question — ‘Did you breastfeed your child?’ I thought maybe he was going to say something like ‘because it doesn’t look like it, they’re very perky’ (wishful thinking), but instead when I said yes, he asked if I had ever produced milk since I stopped nursing, and would I be willing to take some pills he had ordered off the Internet to try and induce lactation because he had always dreamed of being able to nurse while having sex.
I was fairly new to the online dating scene at that time and I seriously just did not know what to say. I think I just changed the subject and then left soon thereafter. He called me several times thereafter, but we never went out again." — H.P.
title: “16 Online Dating Stories So Freaky We Want To Quit The Internet” ShowToc: true date: “2024-09-04” author: “Florence Larios”
More from CafeMom: 12 Brutally Honest Rules for Dating a Single Mom
Dating is hard no matter how two people end up connecting, but when it’s on the Internet — well, people tend to let their freak flags fly. Or sometimes, worse, they don’t show off how weird they can truly be. I know, I know, this is how love is found in the modern age. But some of the things my friends have told me about their online dates … well, let’s just say the word “horrifying” was used more than once.
More from CafeMom: 13 Not-So-Little White Lies Women Tell on Dating Sites
Not to make light of another’s plight, but one person’s disaster is another person’s entertainment. So, please enjoy these real-life stories of matches that seemed like a good idea on the computer screen but turned out to be … well, not so hot.
Image via iStock.com/Martin Dimitrov
More from The Stir: 7 Signs You’re Sharing #TMI With (or About) Your Friends
I got to the restaurant a little before 8 p.m. and texted him to let him know where I was sitting. He responded that his meeting had run long and he would be about 15 minutes late. I played on my phone and nursed my beer, looking up every time the door opened to see if it was him. And then there he was, rolling into the restaurant on a Segway. And when I say ‘into the restaurant,’ I mean he rode this damn thing all the way over to our table.
I should have just gotten the check at this point, but then I would have missed out on the rest of the amazing evening, which included him telling me that he didn’t put any toxins into his body, including alcohol, and then glaring at my beer (my third one at this point). He also told me he had a hard time dating because he was a convicted felon and people googled his name and then never wanted to date him again. (PS — I totally googled him when I got home. Turns out the story he told me about why he had been arrested was completely untrue, according to court records.)
Finally, he told me about the major accident he had had a few years back which caused him to get the Segway (because he had to relearn how to walk). His dramatic retelling of this story included having me take an up-close look at his tracheotomy scar and feel the place on his leg where several steel rods had been installed. As we walked out of the restaurant (rather, I walked, and he Segwayed), I decided to make one last ditch effort to make the night memorable and asked if I could test-ride his Segway. He declined. I had been drinking, and it’s unsafe to drive a Segway with so many ’toxins’ in one’s body. At this point, he goes in for a hug, and whispers in my ear, ‘I’d really like to kiss you, but I’ve got the most wicked oral herpes outbreak.’ I managed to get out of earshot of him before I started cackling." — H.P.
More from The Stir: 6 Things Parents of Kids With Special Needs Wish You Would Say
I met back up with him and we hung out the rest of the afternoon and night. At some point towards the end of the evening, he complimented my breasts, then asked a very unusual question — ‘Did you breastfeed your child?’ I thought maybe he was going to say something like ‘because it doesn’t look like it, they’re very perky’ (wishful thinking), but instead when I said yes, he asked if I had ever produced milk since I stopped nursing, and would I be willing to take some pills he had ordered off the Internet to try and induce lactation because he had always dreamed of being able to nurse while having sex.
I was fairly new to the online dating scene at that time and I seriously just did not know what to say. I think I just changed the subject and then left soon thereafter. He called me several times thereafter, but we never went out again." — H.P.
title: “16 Online Dating Stories So Freaky We Want To Quit The Internet” ShowToc: true date: “2024-08-31” author: “Breanna Ingersoll”
More from CafeMom: 12 Brutally Honest Rules for Dating a Single Mom
Dating is hard no matter how two people end up connecting, but when it’s on the Internet — well, people tend to let their freak flags fly. Or sometimes, worse, they don’t show off how weird they can truly be. I know, I know, this is how love is found in the modern age. But some of the things my friends have told me about their online dates … well, let’s just say the word “horrifying” was used more than once.
More from CafeMom: 13 Not-So-Little White Lies Women Tell on Dating Sites
Not to make light of another’s plight, but one person’s disaster is another person’s entertainment. So, please enjoy these real-life stories of matches that seemed like a good idea on the computer screen but turned out to be … well, not so hot.
Image via iStock.com/Martin Dimitrov
More from The Stir: 7 Signs You’re Sharing #TMI With (or About) Your Friends
I got to the restaurant a little before 8 p.m. and texted him to let him know where I was sitting. He responded that his meeting had run long and he would be about 15 minutes late. I played on my phone and nursed my beer, looking up every time the door opened to see if it was him. And then there he was, rolling into the restaurant on a Segway. And when I say ‘into the restaurant,’ I mean he rode this damn thing all the way over to our table.
I should have just gotten the check at this point, but then I would have missed out on the rest of the amazing evening, which included him telling me that he didn’t put any toxins into his body, including alcohol, and then glaring at my beer (my third one at this point). He also told me he had a hard time dating because he was a convicted felon and people googled his name and then never wanted to date him again. (PS — I totally googled him when I got home. Turns out the story he told me about why he had been arrested was completely untrue, according to court records.)
Finally, he told me about the major accident he had had a few years back which caused him to get the Segway (because he had to relearn how to walk). His dramatic retelling of this story included having me take an up-close look at his tracheotomy scar and feel the place on his leg where several steel rods had been installed. As we walked out of the restaurant (rather, I walked, and he Segwayed), I decided to make one last ditch effort to make the night memorable and asked if I could test-ride his Segway. He declined. I had been drinking, and it’s unsafe to drive a Segway with so many ’toxins’ in one’s body. At this point, he goes in for a hug, and whispers in my ear, ‘I’d really like to kiss you, but I’ve got the most wicked oral herpes outbreak.’ I managed to get out of earshot of him before I started cackling." — H.P.
More from The Stir: 6 Things Parents of Kids With Special Needs Wish You Would Say
I met back up with him and we hung out the rest of the afternoon and night. At some point towards the end of the evening, he complimented my breasts, then asked a very unusual question — ‘Did you breastfeed your child?’ I thought maybe he was going to say something like ‘because it doesn’t look like it, they’re very perky’ (wishful thinking), but instead when I said yes, he asked if I had ever produced milk since I stopped nursing, and would I be willing to take some pills he had ordered off the Internet to try and induce lactation because he had always dreamed of being able to nurse while having sex.
I was fairly new to the online dating scene at that time and I seriously just did not know what to say. I think I just changed the subject and then left soon thereafter. He called me several times thereafter, but we never went out again." — H.P.
