We asked women to bravely share their biggest fears, concerns, and questions when it comes to having sex. We then reached out to sexologist Megan Stubbs, who helped shed some major light on these topics (even if you prefer the lights off). Stubbs also suggested considering a little light, but keeping it strategic. “Overhead lighting hardly flatters anyone,” she explained. “It can cast harsh shadows and make you feel insecure. Try for soft, indirect lighting from the side. Get a lamp and drape a silk scarf over it to diffuse the light to a warm sensual glow.” And if you don’t have a lamp? Try candles for some soft, romantic light. “I would encourage you to make it a policy to not share your time or body with someone who is going to judge you by the way you look,” she said. “Ideally your partner is someone who is into you for more than just your physical qualities and won’t even notice the things that you have insecurities about.” Another tip? Asking your partner why they find you attractive. “You may be surprised at how they see you through their eyes,” she suggested. Stubbs also suggested trusting your partner, believing that they’re there for the right reasons. “You can always express that you have a little trepidation or nervousness, but don’t go deep into specifics. Just let them know you’d like to take things a little slower as you’re getting to know each other. " “Look at yourself naked (or as much as you’d prefer) in the mirror, pump up your favorite jams, and say positive affirmations,” she suggested. “We are notoriously our own worst critics and those inner critical voices can be crippling at times.” Stubbs also had an important reminder: Your body is always worthy of love and appreciation. “You are worthy of love, sex, and having your desires met right now as you are,” she stressed. “And again, chances are that by the time you’re naked, the last thing on their mind is going to be critiquing your body.” We couldn’t agree more. “You don’t have to apologize for your body,” Stubbs insisted. “If that is a deal-breaker for them, they aren’t your person. This isn’t something you can control, so no need. You wouldn’t apologize for sweating during sex, right?” “Thank your lucky stars they left when they did,” she said. “If your partner is so callous to leave you because of the physical appearance of your stomach after giving birth, they do not get to share your body or time.” Most importantly, Stubbs suggested that we need to move away from apologizing for our “flaws” and embrace them as they are. “You are so much more than the sum of your scars, lumps, and bumps,” she stated. “Unless you’re performing on a pornography set, you have no reason to be concerned with how you look during the act,” she said. Stubbs suggested other ways of letting your partner know you’re into what they’re doing, even if you’re not a fan of being vocal. For example, if you don’t love to be loud, try whispering words of encouragement to your partner. “I am also a huge proponent of communication during sex,” she said. “Unless you’re hooking up in your childhood twin bed at home during the holidays, there is no reason why you cannot talk, moan, laugh, or readjust during the act.” “I’d recommend that you get to know your partner well before you step into the realm of intimacy. Have a lot of honest conversations,” she suggested. “If your conversations seem to center mainly on your looks or size, I would have some concerns. But if they seem genuine and love you for all that you are, I’d say go for it. You know yourself best and treat every situation case by case.” “The taste of your vagina can vary throughout your cycle and according to what you’ve been eating and drinking,” she said. “If the taste seems overly strong or has a foul odor, you may consider seeking out medical attention as you may have a bacterial condition or STI. The vagina is self-cleaning so it is important to stay properly hydrated in order for that to take place. There is also a delicate balance of bacteria inside of your vagina and the slightest shift in the environment can send things askew.” As for finding out if your vagina does taste off, Stubbs recommends the most direct way of finding out. “I recommend that you taste yourself if you have concerns on whether or not you find your natural flavor to be unpalatable or not,” she said. “Adding in things like water, fruits, and vegetables has anecdotally been shown to improve vaginal taste. Otherwise if your partner still cannot get behind going down on you, try oral sex fresh from a shower and/or use a dental dam.” “You can consider spoon position,” she suggested. “This is where you and your partner are both on your side and they enter you from the back. It’s low impact and you still have freedom with your hands to touch and explore. She also suggested cowgirl on a chair or sofa, so their head is right at breast level. “It will be difficult for them to look at anything else,” she said. “Plus, you’re in control of depth and rhythm during sex. Win-win.” “If lingerie makes you feel sexier or more feminine in bed, wear it,” she suggested. “Do whatever you need to do to feel sexy and sensual. Maybe take a more submissive role in bed if that works for you.” Also, role-playing is a fun way to introduce novelty to the bedroom! We couldn’t agree more.
title: “12 Thoughts You Have When You Have Sex As A Plus Size Person” ShowToc: true date: “2024-10-04” author: “Daniel Clay”
We asked women to bravely share their biggest fears, concerns, and questions when it comes to having sex. We then reached out to sexologist Megan Stubbs, who helped shed some major light on these topics (even if you prefer the lights off). Stubbs also suggested considering a little light, but keeping it strategic. “Overhead lighting hardly flatters anyone,” she explained. “It can cast harsh shadows and make you feel insecure. Try for soft, indirect lighting from the side. Get a lamp and drape a silk scarf over it to diffuse the light to a warm sensual glow.” And if you don’t have a lamp? Try candles for some soft, romantic light. “I would encourage you to make it a policy to not share your time or body with someone who is going to judge you by the way you look,” she said. “Ideally your partner is someone who is into you for more than just your physical qualities and won’t even notice the things that you have insecurities about.” Another tip? Asking your partner why they find you attractive. “You may be surprised at how they see you through their eyes,” she suggested. Stubbs also suggested trusting your partner, believing that they’re there for the right reasons. “You can always express that you have a little trepidation or nervousness, but don’t go deep into specifics. Just let them know you’d like to take things a little slower as you’re getting to know each other. " “Look at yourself naked (or as much as you’d prefer) in the mirror, pump up your favorite jams, and say positive affirmations,” she suggested. “We are notoriously our own worst critics and those inner critical voices can be crippling at times.” Stubbs also had an important reminder: Your body is always worthy of love and appreciation. “You are worthy of love, sex, and having your desires met right now as you are,” she stressed. “And again, chances are that by the time you’re naked, the last thing on their mind is going to be critiquing your body.” We couldn’t agree more. “You don’t have to apologize for your body,” Stubbs insisted. “If that is a deal-breaker for them, they aren’t your person. This isn’t something you can control, so no need. You wouldn’t apologize for sweating during sex, right?” “Thank your lucky stars they left when they did,” she said. “If your partner is so callous to leave you because of the physical appearance of your stomach after giving birth, they do not get to share your body or time.” Most importantly, Stubbs suggested that we need to move away from apologizing for our “flaws” and embrace them as they are. “You are so much more than the sum of your scars, lumps, and bumps,” she stated. “Unless you’re performing on a pornography set, you have no reason to be concerned with how you look during the act,” she said. Stubbs suggested other ways of letting your partner know you’re into what they’re doing, even if you’re not a fan of being vocal. For example, if you don’t love to be loud, try whispering words of encouragement to your partner. “I am also a huge proponent of communication during sex,” she said. “Unless you’re hooking up in your childhood twin bed at home during the holidays, there is no reason why you cannot talk, moan, laugh, or readjust during the act.” “I’d recommend that you get to know your partner well before you step into the realm of intimacy. Have a lot of honest conversations,” she suggested. “If your conversations seem to center mainly on your looks or size, I would have some concerns. But if they seem genuine and love you for all that you are, I’d say go for it. You know yourself best and treat every situation case by case.” “The taste of your vagina can vary throughout your cycle and according to what you’ve been eating and drinking,” she said. “If the taste seems overly strong or has a foul odor, you may consider seeking out medical attention as you may have a bacterial condition or STI. The vagina is self-cleaning so it is important to stay properly hydrated in order for that to take place. There is also a delicate balance of bacteria inside of your vagina and the slightest shift in the environment can send things askew.” As for finding out if your vagina does taste off, Stubbs recommends the most direct way of finding out. “I recommend that you taste yourself if you have concerns on whether or not you find your natural flavor to be unpalatable or not,” she said. “Adding in things like water, fruits, and vegetables has anecdotally been shown to improve vaginal taste. Otherwise if your partner still cannot get behind going down on you, try oral sex fresh from a shower and/or use a dental dam.” “You can consider spoon position,” she suggested. “This is where you and your partner are both on your side and they enter you from the back. It’s low impact and you still have freedom with your hands to touch and explore. She also suggested cowgirl on a chair or sofa, so their head is right at breast level. “It will be difficult for them to look at anything else,” she said. “Plus, you’re in control of depth and rhythm during sex. Win-win.” “If lingerie makes you feel sexier or more feminine in bed, wear it,” she suggested. “Do whatever you need to do to feel sexy and sensual. Maybe take a more submissive role in bed if that works for you.” Also, role-playing is a fun way to introduce novelty to the bedroom! We couldn’t agree more.
